This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 18 May 2017

Reversing "Resurrexit"

Note for foreign readers: Tim Farron is the leader of the Liberal Democrats, the party of Gladstone, Lloyd George, etc., which has now fallen on hard times. Officially an Evangelical Christian (Anglican), Tim found that his orthodox views on same-sex marriage and abortion offended the secular consensus that dominates the UK, and so, when asked, he dropped them. Now read on - or don't, of course.

Groucho Marx

Tim Farron, widely tipped to be the next Prime Minister, gave a solemn promise today that he would reverse "Resurrexit", the historic event in the 1st century that redeemed mankind from the slavery of sin. "Of course I don't think that I can physically locate Jesus and push Him back into His tomb," he admitted, "but we never wanted a 'hard' Resurrexit, with Satan defeated and the powers of Hell put to flight. We expected 'business as usual', so I shall do all I can to reverse the consequences of that ill-advised decision."

Farron went on to explain that being an Anglican did not prevent him from having his own views on Good and Evil, and, frankly, Evil had a lot of points in its favour. "Christians accept that Satan exists, and we support the Right to Choose - to choose whether to back Satan's very attractive, and may I say, liberal, programme, or whether to go for the more authoritarian approach of bowing down to some unelected God."

Mr Saxon

Vote Farron!

The BBC, in particular, is very pleased to hear of Farron's change of heart, and his manifesto commitments to repeal the Ten Commandments ("Adultery is a long-standing Liberal tradition") and the Beatitudes ("'Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God'? This didn't go down well with our focus groups.") Said John Humbug, the Radio 4 presenter, "Old-fashioned teaching like this has no place in the modern BBC - which is what really matters - and Tim would have had no chance at all of winning if he'd stuck to his principles."

Since Prime Minister Theresa May (Anglican), Jeremy Corbyn (Marxist with a dash of Islam) and Nicola Sturgeon (Only Scots go to Heaven) are broadly in agreement with Tim Farron on moral issues, it appears that there are no votes to be won this time round by considering questions of Good and Evil.


"Tim Farron's not going to like this, My Lord."

1 comment:

  1. I take issue with the concept that Satan is more liberal than an authoritarian God.

    I had no occasion to meet either for now, but we can surely reason on their representatives, and the organizations they form. The Church on one side, the satanic ones on the other.

    His holiness Francis has clearly demonstrated the degree of freedom church members have. No red shoes, no kneeling, doctrine on margin notes, you name it, he did it. "He's nuts, the exception" a serpent might object, but then, what about the top Jesuit who thinks the lack of tape recorders in ancient ages impacts doctrine?

    Face it, it's God who made us free from the start.
    Even when we mess up. Who let Eve reach the apple? If God did not want that, he would have done what we do now, put an insane price tag on apple hardware.

    Let's have a look at the other side. Secret societies, mafia, multinationals and of course all the kingdoms of the world. All is entrenched in protocol, appearance, reputation. I mean, you might kill a mafia boss, he gets replaced, but take a picture with him pants down? he's FINISHED KAPUTT, and so is his family.

    I know, there are those outspoken satanists acting as smokescreen. To them the devil says "do what you want". What do we want? how about we want what is pushed onto us daily by tv, internet, movies, books, music? Yeah, satan, nice try.