This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 1 January 2020

Pope Francis slaps an unwanted fan

It is reported that Pope Francis has slapped a strange Chinese person, I-va Ree, who grabbed the papal hand and refused to let go.

The event took place in St Peter's Square, where the Pope had been greeting pilgrims. Seeing I-va Ree, he turned away hastily, but the indomitable Chinaman insisted on holding his hand and shouting a slogan, which our experts insist was "Read my book!"

Pope and Ivereigh

The moment when Pope Francis realized that he would have to slap I-va Ree.

Our theological correspondent Benny Dictus writes:

Violence is a well-established procedure in the Catholic Church, dating back to the time when Jesus slapped the sick woman who clutched his coat. Then, St Nicholas is celebrated for punching Arius, saying "I don't like your face, chummy! Ho ho ho!"

Nowadays, in a Novus Ordo Mass, anyone who attempts to continue the Sign of Peace too long - e.g. when the Agnus Dei has started - is liable to a good sloshing as well. So there is nothing unusual here.

Pope slapping girl

The Sign of Peace, as performed by a Karate Master.


  1. I look forward with eager anticipation to the forthcoming sequel of this Pontiff's previous bestseller, which I've heard will be titled "Karate Anticatholicarum Laetitia".

  2. Clearly this was a slap-happy moment for Francis.

  3. The look on "Frankie the papa's" face as he turned away from the woman says it all. Watch the video.

  4. is it true that the barricades will be electrified from now on? Hideous sheep beating. Was the Sheep Protection Society called? O wait, he's supposed to be the protector. She must have said "Latin Mass" or some other elitist insult.

  5. Slap Rap

    I’m down with slappin’ so I need to discern
    My irregular state so I need to learn
    When my concrete situation makes me act
    According to my temper and that’s a fact
    I gotta slap pilgrims yet cameras can
    Make me look bad in the eyes of man

    Even I-va-Ree sees with sincerity
    With a certain moral security
    Why Vigano’s in protection be’cuz of me
    My Amoris Slapticia #303

  6. Ms Perdue - great Slap Rap! Quite in tune with our current slapdash approach to liturgy and sacred music...
    best wishes, Sue Perfluous.

    1. Dear Sue Perfluous, Kind words. Yet somehow, I'm sure we can manage to blame it all on Eccles. Regards to Chestertoniann when you see him.

  7. Kung Fu Pope :

  8. "Nowadays, in a Novus Ordo Mass, anyone who attempts to continue the Sign of Peace too long - e.g. when the Agnus Dei has started..." You are getting confused, Eccles. At a Novus Ordo Mass no one would know what the Agnus Dei is so they would not know that they had to stop jumping over the pews to embrace their friends.

  9. " back to the time when Jesus slapped the sick woman who touched his cloak." Sorry, but no. "Jesus, aware at once that power had gone out from him, turned around in the crowd and asked, 'Who has touched my clothes?'" (Mark 5:30, NABRE). In addition, after slapping Arius for speaking heresies, St. Nicholas "was ashamed and prayed for forgiveness" ( With this instance in particular, you can see that Pope Francis was clearly in pain when he did slap this woman, which reveals that his action was a natural human reaction. Finally, the day after this incident occurred, Pope Francis apologized.