The Pope writes to the Beast

Scholars have long known that James J. Martin S.J. was the Beast of the Apocalypse, and it was no surprise to Francis-watchers this week when he received a letter from the Holy Father himself.

That letter in full.

Said the Beast, "The Pope is fully backing my campaign to support LGBT people, to allow them a sacramental marriage, and to permit them to become priests. (Oh what a giveaway!)"

Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments.

Pope Francis himself is to be the subject of a new book by John Cornwell. Having had his hit job on Pope Pius XII thorougly debunked, John feels far more confident of his new book "Xi's Pope" detailing how Francis sold out to communist China. We hope to persuade Cardinal "My letter of support from Pope Francis seems to be lost in the post" Zen to review it for this blog.

One of those meme things.

Meanwhile, President Joe Biden, anxious that he might ultimately be told not to receive Communion*, is planning to invade the Vatican and install a puppet pope (these days warmongering is his best chance of a Nobel Peace Prize). The choice seems to be between Cupich, Wuerl, Farrell, N.N. Tobin, and Uncle Wilt Gregory. Or one of the Muppets would do just as well.

*No, it's not going to happen.

The next pope?

It's Supernun!

In a previous post we asked Sister Judy Piranha of the Nuns of Herod to explain why voting Democrat was the only reasonable possibility for an American Catholic. Now, to redress the balance, we present Supernun!

Supernun! (Real name Deirdre Byrne.)

Sr Deirdre (a.k.a. Dede) is no ordinary nun. Trained as an army surgeon, she can strangle heretics with her bare hands and kill them with a single blow - medical knowledge comes in handy! According to Wikipedia she is also a world-class distance runner, but that could be someone else.

Anyway, her super-powers include flying, X-ray vision, and laser-like eyes which can melt steel (making her stare the most piercing since Mother Angelica's). She also has breath that can freeze a Jesuit at ten paces.

The Horan of Babylon is not amused.

You can tell that Supernun is making an impact - Daniel Horan of Babylon, a well-known opponent of pro-life activities, threw a hissy fit and played the Nazi card. If his picture is anything to judge by, he has already had his hair vaporized by the piercing glare of Supernun!

Horan is also very worried about the weaponised rosary of Supernun! It seems that he doesn't mind rosaries as a fashion accessory, to go with that lovely Chanel robe he wears, but woe betide you if you use them as a way of fighting evil!

Another well-known Democrat, Fr James Martin LGBTSJ BOTA (Beast of the Apocalypse) is also throwing a wobbly at the special powers of Supernun! His argument is that religious people should not endorse politicians. Of course, he has praised Biden and attacked Trump on many occasions - he threw a memorable tantrum when Donald was elected - but nobody could possibly deduce anything about his political views from that!

But enough - in fact too much - of Jimbo the Clown.

Long live Supernun!

Coming soon, the adventures of Supermother!

Sister Judy Piranha attends the Women's March

Coo-ee, everyone!!??!! It's Sister Judy Piranha of the Catholic Nuns for Naughtiness back once more!!??!! I'm a disciple of those spiritual GIANTS, Father James Martin SJ ("Hillary" to his closest friends) and Father Dan Horan OFM ("Michelle" to his closest friends), joint patrons of the Order of the 30 Pieces of Silver!!??!!

Two of the greatest thinkers of our times.

Anyway, little Judy was delighted to join her sisters (of both sexes!!??!!) at the March for Death on Saturday!!??!! If you haven't been following this, the problem is that Donald Trump is a DIRTY OLD MAN who says RUDE THINGS!!??!! He HATES women so much that he keeps MARRYING them!!??!! Not like NICE MR CLINTON who merely raped them and assaulted them - everyone knows that dear Bill knew how to give a lady a good time!!??!!

So what is a girl to do, when the American people vote for someone she doesn't like??!!?? Demonstrate!!??!! Stand up for the essential dignity of women by wearing a costume shaped like the naughty bits of a lady!!??!! You wouldn't call us dick-heads!!??!! Quite the opposite, really!!??!!

What other direct action can we take to show that we support democracy ONLY IF it gives the answer we want, sisters??!!?? Perhaps we might even go as far as throwing a traffic cone at a passing policeman!!??!! If we did that, then Trump would be obliged to resign, mark my words!!??!!

My sisters showing Trump what they're made of!!??!!

Some people have pointed out that the Women's March wasn't exactly pro-life, and in fact "pro-life" groups were banned!!??!! But "pro-life" means whatever Fr Jim and Fr Dan say it means!!??!! There's NOTHING WRONG with killing a baby, dismembering it, and selling the pieces PROVIDED THAT you do it in a "pro-life" way!!??!! By that, we mean that we respect the baby, whatever its race, colour, creed or sexual orientation may be!!??!!

Then we kill it!!??!!

Sister Fatima of the Middle Eastern branch of Nuns for Naughtiness was delighted to join us on the March!!??!! It's true that when she got home her husband unfortunately flogged her to death, but - hey!?! - the moral is that women have much better rights in the Middle East than we do, and they don't have to put up with BEASTS like Donald Trump!!??!!

Sister Fatima and friends demonstrate against Donald Trump!!??!!

So I have one final message for you:

1. If you're a woman, then Byeeee, and keep the faith!!??!!

2. If you are inter-sex, trans-sex, a member of the order of the 30 pieces of silver, gender-queer, non-binary, duo-decimal or otherwise weird, then Hallelujah to you!!??!!

3. If you're a MAN then BOG OFF you nasty sexist pig!!??!!

Judy Piranha!!??!!