1. Now, brothers, many of ye have asked me, "How shall we know that the Day of the Lord is nigh?"
2. Ye shall know that ye live in the End Times by means of various signs.
3. For lo! The world shall become very silly, and by this ye shall know that your time is nearly up.
4. First, clowns shall stalk the land, spreading terror to all who see them.
Pope Francis receiveth his new cardinals.
5. Then in England, a land flowing with Marmite, shall men complain that this wondrous foodstuff is no more.
6. The great wells of Marmite shall dry up, and the pipeline that bringeth Marmite from the distant East shall run dry.
7. Even the mighty jars of Dawkins, that once ran with milk, honey, and Marmite, shall be empty. And the professors of Oxford shall starve.
And men shall say that Bin Laden hath won.
8. And there shall be other signs of silliness.
9. For a singer of popular ballads shall win a mighty prize for literature.
10. Thus shall he spoken of as the equal of Kipling, Yeats, Mann, Eliot, and Camus.
And Dylan shall ask "How many roads must a man walk down?"
11. Finally, and silliest of all, the sound of the Trump and the sound of the Clinton shall be heard in the land of America.
12. For the people shall be asked to choose between a complete slob and a woman of infinite evil.
No, this is beyond a joke.
13. And at that point the LORD shall say, "Enough! This is too silly!" and the world shall end.
