This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Tabloid survey on the new Mass translation

Bitter pill

Not to be taken more than once a year.

Hello there, we at the Tabloid are conducting a totally impartial survey on the new translation of the liturgy (or "New Mass" as we call it). Please choose an option from each of the following.

1. The liturgy reached perfection in...
(a) 1973, when we finally got rid of Latin forever;
(b) 2011, when we introduced a rubbish translation with 
hard words in it;
(c) it will never reach perfection until Paul Inwood is 
given a free hand.

2. Which of the following do you prefer...
(a) "And also with you," friendly and polite;
(b) "And with your spirit," because I'm a pompous old fogey;
(c) "Yeah, right, mate, whatever."

3. When you say "...through my fault, through my fault, 
through my most grievous fault" do you...
(a) strike your breast, like a foolish old traddy;
(b) grin, knowing that the words are not to be taken literally;
(c) our priest skips this bit and we do a liturgical dance instead.
Striking your neighbour's breast

It was YOUR most grievous fault. Got that?

4. How well does the priest manage to say the new 
Eucharistic Prayers... 
(a) he gets them wrong, and corrects himself;
(b) he uses the old prayers because he is imbued with 
the spirit of Vatican II;
(c) he uses his own words ("mug" instead of "chalice" and 
"OK, there's coffee next door" instead of "Go forth, the 
Mass is ended."

Just as good as a "chalice."

5. How often do you see people around you in the pews still 
struggling to follow the new text? 
(a) always, with cries of "Help! What does 'consubstantial' 
mean, again?"
(b) never, because they still say the old one;
(c) er, we've not had anyone attending Mass since the 1970s. 

6. Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof?
(a) Oh yes I am;
(b) Oh no I'm not;
(c) What does this question mean, anyway?

7. Latin is the work of...
(a) the Devil;
(b) the Pope, whom we must resist at all costs;
(c) Julius Caesar, but what's he got to do with the Mass?

It's all his fault.

8.Are you reading the Tabloid because you are...
(a) an escaped lunatic;
(b) a layman in good standing;
(c) a miserable deacon who likes insulting people;
(d) a go-ahead liberal priest;
(e) a bishop/archbishop/cardinal;
(f) the Pope, Hans Küng, or someone of equal status?


  1. The problem with the Tablet is it is written for very old people by quite old people. Old people don't like change, hence the Tablet doesn't like change.

    The difficult many will have is with hearing aids, zimmer frames, short sightedness etc. I am surprised no account was taken of these in the "survey".
    Being an active old person I prefer the Saga brochure to the Pill. I used to go a Tablet reading Church but I found that my waterworks could cope with the priest, older than me, banging on about how ghastly the new translation were, and quoting the Tablet.
    I am surprised there is no reference to disability in their survey.

    I filled it in 9 times during Countdown.

    1. If Tablet readers did something as sensible as watching Countdown, their brain cells might get as much exercise as their jaws.

  2. Replies
    1. Are you serious, "Deacon Tony"? Are you really serious? Do you really think that's what Our Lord had in mind?

      I'm sorry that my first comment on Eccles' famous blog might be felt to bring down the tone, but you started it.

    2. Tony cannot answer the phone right now, as he has been called to Acton.

    3. Jadis and Simon, comment 8C is aimed at me, it's a personal, vitriolic, ad hom attack. Hence I responded.

    4. Creul words, Rev Flav. You is surely not de only miserable deacon wot likes insultin poeple.

    5. M'lud, the case for the defence rests.

    6. Oh, I don't know. You're surely not the only miserable deacon who likes insulting people?

    7. Oh. Sorry. I see someone wiser than me had the same thought. I must pay closer attention.

    8. Actually, now I think about it, that's quite an extraordinary assumption. It's not all about you.

    9. Deacon Tony is a sensitive sausage, for some reason he thought that this blogpost was all about him.

      "I have a friend who has just taken over a parish and the local clergy (priests) have been advising him to rid of the permanent deacon in the parish he is just about to take over, partly because he is a bit disruptive in the parish, hasn't much grasp of theology and isn't that devout, he seems to have been trained on the cheap, without much regard to his spiritual formation, apparently he turns up Sundays and spends the rest of the time gossiping."

      That Deacon Flavin's incumbent priest left the parish and was replaced in August when this post was written is entirely coincidental.

  3. d) b) a) d) d) d) Romans) I'm not)


    hmmmm what's my score ?

  4. I ticked all the answers, on the basis that I could think and do what I liked - as the Spirit moved me and depending on what I last read on Comment is Free.

  5. I read the Bitter Phil on the DT blog.

    It is just as pointless, and leaves me wondering why other so-called Catholics exist, but takes less time each week to read, digest and spew out.

    1. Bitter phil still there? I almost looked in the other day but decided my floor needed cleaning xx Jess

  6. Tsk, tsk, people. This is about democri…demokri…dimocra… - er, free speech and power to the plebs. If we don’t like it, we can vote it out. It’s our rite, ain’it?

    Given the age of the gens tabulae, is this what Chesterton meant by the ”democracy of the dead”…?

  7. When you censure the Age,
    Be cautious and sage,
    Lest the Courtiers offended should be:
    If you mention Vice or Bribe,
    'Tis so pat to all the Tribe;
    Each cries - That was levell'd at me.

    John Gay (The Beggar's Opera)