Givvin to charitty

De storry so far. Bosco have been givven permision to commit one murder, knowin dat it is alreddy forgivven by Farver Arfur, a Cathlic preist in good standin. We is still tryin to geuss who de lucky victtim will be.

Meanwhile Anti Moly and me was just about to tuck into Bosco's nuorishing pie what he made from allmonds and what smelt reely strong, when dere was a knokc on de door.
"If dat's a freind of mine, tell em come to come in," said Anti Moly. "If not, chuck a brick at em."
"You ain't got no freinds, Moly Hun," said Bosco. He calls her Hun sometimes, as she was once enggaged to de Herrman Gorring (she says it was her what broke de rellationship off, but I heard rumors dat in fact he did it cos he fought she was too agressive).

It turned out to be Farver Arfur, who said he was collectin for CAFFOD, de charrity what helps starvin poeple. It used to be quite Cathlic, but dat werent verry poppular, so dey doesnt worry about dat too much now. In fact dey keeps sendin rude letters to de Pop saying dat he's got it all wrong. So we quite likes dem.

Here is a pitcher of Farver Arfur and his freinds from CAFFOD.

"What shuold I give?" I asked Farver Arfur.
"Give what you can, my son," he repplied. I aint reely his son, but he says dat poeple wont beleive he is a preist if he dont say fings like dat.

So I made de grate sacriffice and sent Farver Arfur away carryin Bosco's allmond pie (dem starvin chaps in Affrica is reely gonna enjoy dat). We also gave him a botle of Anti Moly's homemade cacctus gin, what also makes a grate tiolet cleaner. We aint heard any more of him since then.

Which reminds me, in de Calumny Chappel we has put up a statue of St Thommas de Baker. It is made out of a cacctus, so dat poeple like Bosco doesnt kiss it in a fit of abbsent-mindedness. Aint dat cute?

Bosco's vicctim

As we reveeled yesterday, my bruvver Bosco has been given a licennse to kill. By sayin lotsa Hale Marys and payin a fee to Farver Arfur de funny preist, Bosco has purchassed de rihgt to commit one mudrer knowin dat it is alreddy forgivven. (Dis is Cathlic thoelogy, we what is saved can do what we wants alreddy, as we is washed in de blood of de Labm.)

"Dat's grate, Bosco," I said, "is we gonna git rid of Anti Moly? We doesnt get much sleep at nihgts as she stays up until dawn bloggin and screemin at de lapptop. What's more has you seen what she done to de Calumny Chappel? It's walkin around on legs. Dat aint natural for a churhc. Pastor Vermicelli is furrious."

Bosco gave me a strange look and said "Nope, I got a more obviuos vicctim."

"You ain't goin to kill off one of your girlfiends, is you?" I asked. "De fat one is it, wiv de beuatiful duaghter dat you got on your blogg? Or Damain Thopmson? He seems to have stopped being saved now, and is turnin into a Cathlic again - he's even writing bloggs about Cradinal Vauhgan School, where de kids are tuaght how to worship iddles and dey gets beeten if dey looks at de Bibble."

Bosco smiled eniggmatically.

"Oh well, will you let me know when you has got a victtim, darlin bruvver?" I asked.
"Certtainly, Eccles," said Bosco, "you will be de first to know."

My bruvver is a kind pusson really. He told me dat he has fuond a recippe for cookin allmonds, and he is goin to make me an allmond pie for dinner tonihgt. I took a photto of Bosco cookin dinner. He is wearin a gas massk, and dat's becuase he's got bad breath and dont want to annoy us.

Before I goes in for dinner, I wants to tell you about a grate book dat Bosco fuond on de Internnet, which has got some pitchers of de crimes of Cathlics. We aint entirely sure who dese guys is, but de small chap is called David, which is a Cathlic name, and he looks like a nasty piece of work.