The Book of Covidicus 14: the Road Map

Continued from Chapter 13.

1. Over the next month, the children of Bri-tain were mightily vaxed, some with the AstroLogica vixen, and some with the Pfizicians' vixen.

2. And much was the dispute over which vixen (if either) was safe.

3. In the end it was agreed that both vixens were dangerous for anyone over the age of two score and ten years or under the age of three score years. So all men were equally content.

A new hope.

4. Then Bo-sis thought deeply and came up with a "Smashing Wheeze, Chaps!" However, his advisers counselled him to give it another name, and so he called it a "Road Map".

5. For it was a brilliant plan, by which the children of Bri-tain could be led from the swamps of Covid into the promised land of milk and honey (beer and crisps would also be available).

6. So as springtime arrived, the people rejoiced, for they were now permitted to sit in each other's gardens and watch the rain fall.

"Alas, your Majesty, only six people may attend your garden party."

7. But woe betide them if they entered the houses of their friends: for if they did they would be cast into the deepest dungeons.

8. Moreover, they were not permitted to flee the country, even to return to the land of EU-gypt: for the only people who could come to Britain must travel in the boats of rubber in order to seek refuge from the evil tyrants of EU-gypt, Ursula of Lebanon and Emmanuel Macrabaeus of the Frenchites.

9. So the children of Bri-tain, who wished above all to go to the houses that were called public, studied the Road Map of Bo-sis to see what new liberties would be granted to them.

10. And they rejoiced to see that soon they would be allowed to have their hair cut, to buy non-essential goods such as clothes, and to hold lavish weddings with fifteen guests.

11. Indeed, for many months the children of Bri-tain had grown their hair, dressed in rags, and remained unwed. So that in fact most of the people now resembled Bo-sis himself.

"My brother Bo-sis is an hairy man. And now I am an hairy man too."

Continued in Chapter 15.

The Book of Covidicus, Chapter 6: How to avoid Qu'ran'tain

Continued from Chapter 5.

1. After forty days and forty nights the people of BALM ceased to wage war on statues, and the children of Bri-tain became anxious about the plague once more.

2. So there was a great rejoicing in the land when Bosis told them that more freedom would be granted to them.

3. The houses of public could reopen, but those who entered must at all times remain at a distance of four cubits from their drinks.

4. The cutters of hair could work as before, but only on those who were bald, such as Elisha the prophet.

Elisha waiteth for his haircut.

5. So that those who were hairy men, like unto Esau, must remain forever unshorn.

6. Also, the eating-houses were open, but only for those who were fasting.

7. But finally Bosis agreed that everyone who wished to eat, drink, or be shorn could now do so, but must wear masks at all times.

8. Finally, even the churches were allowed to open, although the faithful were told to obey the new commandments of Bosis.

9. For it is written, "Shun thy neighbour. Receive the Lord in thy sanitized hands. Do not sing unto the Lord a new song. Worship ye the Lord by booking ahead on the web that is wide."

10. Now, it being summer time, many left the land of Bri-tain to seek sunshine, the wine that is cheap, and the companionship of the mosquito. Yeah, even in the land of EU-gypt.

11. But Bosis was angry, for the people were enjoying themselves at last. And many were seen without masks.

The anger of Bosis.

12. So Bosis sent out a decree, that those who returned from EU-gypt must go to a place called Qu'ran'tain for fourteen days and fourteen nights.

13. In Qu'ran'tain they might not leave their houses.

14. If they wished to eat, they should pray, and manna would be dropped from Heaven. If they wished to walk their dogs, they should march round the room seventy times seven times. If they fell sick, they were told to die quietly.

15. For Bosis had discovered that the Service of Health worked very well when nobody tried to use it.

16. Meanwhile, there were many who wished to enter Bri-tain without passing through Qu'ran'tain. So they rode across the sea in the boats of rubber, and no man attempted to block their way.

The makers of holiday hurry back to work.

Continued in Chapter 7.