This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday 22 September 2012

St Mary leaves Twickenham

Following the resignation of Prof. Eamon Duffy from the position of honorary fellow of St Mary's University College, Twickenham, it now turns out that an even more eminent person, the Blessed Virgin Mary, has decided to end her association with the trouble-ridden college.

Crematorium

St Mary's Chapel - a fine example of 1960s "crematorium" architecture.

The resignation of St Mary came initially in a private revelation to Bishop Caterpillar, the chairman of the governors; it has now been confirmed by miraculous means, in that all documents and signs pertaining to the college now appear without the name of St Mary.

's University College

The college, as it now presents itself to the world.

The crisis is said to have originated with the proposed merger between the academically impressive School of Theology, Philosophy and Art, and the academically less impressive School of Juggling, Tap-Dancing and Fire-Walking. It came to a head when Dr Anthony Towie was escorted off the campus by security.

According to Dr Towie: "I was giving my usual lecture on the Continuing relevance of Dei Verbum as matrix of revelation for Catholic Theology, when I was interrupted by cries of 'Why aren't you tap-dancing?' It seems that these days the college is phasing out degrees in theology, which tend to lead to badly-paid jobs in religious institutions, in favour of more marketable skills such as juggling, which can lead to celebrity on television programmes. I argued in vain that one of our brightest alumni had once appeared on The Z-factor, a religious talent show hosted by the great Father Z."

Fire-walking

An alternative to hermeneutics.

Bishop Caterpillar has defended the plan to merge STPA with SJTDFW, saying that Vatican II had explicitly authorized the use of jugglers, tap-dancers and fire-walkers in Novus Ordo Masses, and so such creative arts may be regarded as a paradigm for religious worship.

In the absence of St Mary, the college is now looking for a new sponsor. One saint long associated with dancing, who may be available, is St Vitus; thus we may soon be referring to St Vitus's University College.

St Vitus

The man who will save Twickenham?

20 comments:

  1. Very sensible of Our Lady xx Jess

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  2. We would be honoured if Our Lady would condescend to become the Holy Patron of St Perpetua's College. We need all the help we can get. Something about the visas....

    Perpetua

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  3. Yes Mary help us.We worship you even though we wont adimt
    it to non catholics.
    Sister has finally banned me from he catholic good ol boy site. the good news of the risen saviour is not welcome there. i dont have a costume or a golden cup or ped priests i bow to. It was just a matter of time. Catholics hate the gospel and anyone who believes in it. Like you eccles, you hate the god of the bible. Like your father befor you.

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    Replies
    1. It is grate to see de luv shinin out of your hart, bruvver Bosco.

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    2. "Like your father befor you."

      Let me get this straight - Eccles is like his dad??? Do tell all!! We love family secrets here.

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    3. Bosco - you are not banned from my site - it is simply that the spam filters catch anything with nasty words. I am sure Jesus does not like any of us using nasty words Bosco xx Jess

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    4. sISTER JESS, is...... test 1234.... a bad word? I can get on the sites of your members. I even bought a new computer 3 days ago because i thought it was a virus keeping me off of your site. But its the same with my new computer.
      Sister Jess, since when did you care what Jesus likes?

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    5. OH BOSCO DERE BRUVVER ALL MY TYPING IS COMIN OUT IN CAPITULES i FINK IT MUST BE A VIRUS SO i IS GONNA BUY A NEW COMPUTTER.

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  4. Such pity you cannot afford any nice things -perhaps your aunt's old paramour Card. Pell could let you have some?
    Don't you have the same father as Eccles? Well at least try to conceal it, for your mu's sake...

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    Replies
    1. Go bite yourself, honey -or ask your auntie's false teeth to do it if you fancy that.

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    2. Dont believe what that sick little monkey says about Moly. Shes a good looking doll. Do you buy into everything that is in this cartoon of a site? I guews you do, if you bow to graven images you will believe anything, like that hollow headed Jabba.He really thinks the ped, i mean the priest, really makes god crawl into a golden cage. Ill bet you do to Luisa.You sound kinda numb in the skull.

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  5. I wouldn´t have thought Professor Duffy gives a hoot about traditional worship. Isn´t he the chap who wrote about striped altars? I prefer plain white altar linen, so good riddance I say.

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    Replies
    1. Nope, I dont fink he's traddy. But he's cross about woss been goin on.

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    2. I went to a Latin Mass organised by the good professor (all on my blogg), and I think he is a 'traddie' - and a very nice chap too. xx Jess

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    3. Annie, what are you doing here? I thought Mickey threw water on you and you melted.

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  6. The Duffy book on the Popes read like it had been researched by google and not well researched at that. The suspicion is that outside his specialism, he offers very little add in the historical space. Eccles with his 2:2 in natural sciences strikes me as more intellectually gifted and an authentic renaissance man.

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    Replies
    1. Woss dis 2:2 in Natural Sceinces, sister Sadie? I aint got a degree, but I was finkin of goin to luvvly Tinna's lectures on thoelogy, if she aint yet bin escorted out by security.

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    2. Ask Lord Bannside how he Got his doctorate. No need to attend lectures if you is saved.

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  7. Apologies Eccles, I confused you with somebody else. Nobody with your wit and erudition could possibly have been through tertiary education. I agree Tina is lovely and on looks alone should never have been banned from Clifton.

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