We're all looking for something in life.
Some of the questions we shall be exploring are:
* What's that big black book that you lot keep reading?
* Am I more saved than my neighbour? Should I tell him?
* Holiness. Have I got it? Where can I get it? Does it hurt?
* Are you the chaps who follow the Pope, or is that the Muslims?
* Will I have to learn to play the guitar?
* I like speaking in tongues, but what does Flooble wibmoss grukka lobnewt really mean?
* Am I allowed to bring my own cushion to sit on in church?
A satisfied customer, JW, took the ETA course and now has a top church job, earning £70k, with free company palace and all the tea he can drink.
Later on, we shall move onto the fundamental questions that trouble people waiting for promotion to bishop or archbishop:
* Do archbishops choose their own mitres, or do they get sent them by the Queen?
* If I use words like "ontology," "numinous," "hermeneutic," and "cirrhosis" in my sermons will people realise that I'm bluffing?
* I have been invited to say something blasphemous on Thought for the Day. Will this count against me?
* Does the Bible recommend same-sex marriages for woman priests?
Warning: this is not the Anglican ETA course - its followers rarely become archbishops.