This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 4 October 2015

The parable of the wheat and the tares

There was a man who sowed good cardinal seed in his field: among the numerous varieties planted there were Burkeus Cappamagnificus, a traditional American grain, Pellus Boomerangus, a robust Australian variety, and Mueller Fortis, one of the few reliable German plants; but there were other spiritually nourishing varieties too numerous to mention.

But then while men were asleep, an enemy came and sowed tares (cockle, darnel) among the wheat, and went his way.

tares or darnel

Warning - contains nuts!

Among the poisonous grains were the German weed, Kasperus Absurdus, guaranteed to induce dizzy spells, Danneelus Pervertophilus, the toxic Belgian variety, not to mention the dreaded Baldisserius Liberraptor, and Marxus Stultusbarbus the hideous German creeper. And alas, there were many others.

So when the blade was sprung up, and had brought forth fruit, then appeared also the tares.

And the servants of the good man came to him and said, "Sir, did you not sow good seeds in the field? Where did the weeds come from?"

And he said to them, "An enemy has done this." And the servants said to him, "Do you want us to gather up the weeds?"

"No," said the man, "I have a better idea. We will allow both to grow until the time of the Synod, and then we will harvest them together."

 burning the tares

Synod time!

"At the harvest, we'll gather the tares, and bind them into bundles for burning (the CDF tells me we're still allowed to do this); but the good wheat we'll keep. But just to make it more fun, we'll get the wheat and the tares to spend three weeks voting on which of them is the true harvest, and which the poisonous weeds."

We are not sure what happened next.


  1. Parody aside, the analogy here is so real, it shocks me that I didn't see it sooner, whether on my own or reading something more...conventional (?)

    Anyway, this is the point of a spiritaully nuorishing blog, so many thanks to Bruvver Eccles. Looking forward to more of these goodies...cakes, no? I can trust what their flour is made of.

  2. One really couldn't make this up.

    Could one ?

  3. Bruvver. That's your best yet! I pray to the good Lord that it's true!

  4. Yes, any excuse to avoid fighting evil, doing the solemn duty of the Church Militant, of soldiers of Christ - the abuse of Holy Scripture and Church doctrine to fool foolish people into believing they are not cooperating, even by omission, in the destruction of Faith and morals. Lord, have mercy!

  5. But why do farmers get so anxious not to mix the wheat with the tares? Because tares are at best not nourishing, at worst poisonous. And remember that all of the bread made from such a mixture is tainted. Meanwhile, the hungry sheep look up and are not fed.

  6. Re-blogging this gem on CP&S.
    Thanks, Bruvver!

  7. At the risk of sounding 'corny', "We reap what we sow." You'd have thought the Synod might thrash this all out

  8. And this entire neo-charade is presided over by the Super-Presbyter Frankus Equivocatus Ambiguitus

  9. ou forgot Erdius Esztbudapestis, a sturdy Hungarian variety, first to be sowed but is now in danger of being uprooted.