This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday 17 November 2015

Spiritual nourishment from Cardinal Dolan

This blog has occasionally been criticised for posting doctored photos of great spiritual giants of our time in unlikely situations (Vincent Nichols fighting the Weeping Angels, Fr John Zuhlsdorf in a mitre, Richard Dawkins made up as a clown, Fr Thomas Rosica praying), so it is with great pleasure that we present some completely genuine photos of one of our favourite cardinals, Timothy Dolan of New York. We do this since we feel that it is important for "bishop-bashers" to appreciate the onerous responsibilities that fall on our religious leaders.

Dolan, Rockettes, sheep, camels

A shepherd, smelling of the sheep (and camels).

Pope Francis wants his cardinals to be shepherds smelling of the sheep: he himself led the way by being photographed with a rather unhappy-looking lamb wrapped round his neck. Some leading churchmen have taken this further, and nowadays the presence of sheep and camels in religious services is becoming the norm.

Dolan, Rockettes

Explaining Laudato Si' to a group of nuns.

In the Church of today, the important thing is dialogue, getting out to meet people where they are, and discussing new ideas for Catholic dogma with them. The nuns in the picture above are so worried about climate change that they have opted for much cooler habits. However, Cardinal Dolan shows himself to be a traditionalist in his choice of vestments.

Dolan, Rockettes, dancing

Taking lessons in liturgical dancing.

In modern Masses, we have moved on from old-fashioned ideas such as Bible readings and hymns. The Spirit of Vatican II prefers us to worship Her by means of liturgical dance. But what is a cardinal to do if he is unable to do more than a liturgical waddle? Well, the answer is to lose weight, and take dancing lessons! Bravo to Cardinal Dolan for leading the way!

12 comments:

  1. I think you have got your wires crossed here ...the above are in fact the Dolan Sisters a popular singing group. Their most popular song, "I'm in the Mood for Prancing.".

    You can spot the difference between the sheep and camels by the Baaa Coding.

    Hope this helps

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  2. No, in that last photograph the Cardinal is actually giving the immodestly-dressed women some spiritual and moral direction, reaching out and accompanying the immodest sexual seducers so that they may publicly be Church as they continue to consider the various positive options, including repentance and moving on from immodesty and sexual seduction, in the public arena and whether they might like to join recollection to their scandal.

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  3. While this isn't, unfortunately, the first citation to appear on the Cardinal's rap sheet, I feel that this piece also warrants an irony alert as these pictures definitely DID deserve doctoring. In fact, not just doctoring but major surgery.

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    Replies
    1. I should perhaps have left the charming young ladies (I know nothing to their discredit) and removed the fat guy, who can't even dance.

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    2. Don't be too hasty, it's not all over until the fat man dances ...

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  4. That's the sort of liturgical dancing that'll bring the lads back to church.

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  5. Strictly Come Liturgical Dancing: at the next (please God, let it be soon) conclave, papabile and their “partners” (no sniggering at the back) will be required to interpret sections of the Mass in movement and music, culminating in a gala dance-off at St Peter’s. Gone will be the old-fashioned Sistine Chapel burning-bits-of-paper voting malarkey, instead the winner – or “Pope”, as he’s sometimes called – will be decided by public vote, although a panel of experts led by Cardinal Kasper will as ever have the final say. Each episode will have a Special Guest - this week: Paul Inwood. Papabile will be under threat of “eviction” each week. “Cardinal Burke, the public have voted and I can confirm that the Cardinal leaving us tonight might be you, yes in fact it is you, you silly old fuddy-duddy, get with the program, dude….”

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  6. Novus Ordo nuns certainly have very striking habits these days!

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  7. Obviously with these stripes Dolan is healed.

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  8. Surely all that these young ladies are doing in picture three is demonstrating the recommended position for emergency gas release?

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  9. It is recounted in the life of St. John Bosco that he could be very indulgent towards the boys under his charge at his Oratory in Turin, many of whom could be accurately described as 'rough and ready'. However, when it came to even the merest hint of anything immodest, he did not hesitate to use swift corporal punishment. Well, Bruv, I reckon that were you and some of your contributors to bump into the saint in a dark alley one night, he'd be quite likely to engage in some kung fu fighting and despite the odds being ostensibly stacked against him, my money would be on Don B.

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