This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 14 December 2019

Brexodus 20 - Bosis smiteth the Corbynites

Continued from Chapter 19.

1. Thus in the seventh month Bosis became the leader of the Conservatites, and was charged with leading the children of Bri-tain out of the land of EU-gypt.

2. And he appointed wise counsellors: Sajidiah the chancellor, Dominic the Raabi as secretary for foreigners, and Priti of Patmos as secretary for homes.

3. And Bosis spake unto the Pharaoh Juncker, saying, "The deal of Maysis is not welcome unto us, and if we must, we shall leave without any deal at all. But in any case, we shall leave on the last day of the tenth month."

4. And straightaway there came the season of holy days, and the members of the House of common people went to the Red Seaside with their buckets and spades, and thought how they might cross it.

Red Sea

The Red Sea.

5. But now many men began to desert the troops of Bosis. These included Ken-neth the clerk, Philip of Ham-mon, Nicho-las the Soamanite, and Amber the ruddy one. These were known as "big beasts", especially Nicho-las.

6. And Bosis said "Hitherto I have chastised ye with whips, but now I shall chastise ye with scorpions." But he had no scorpions, and the big beasts reamined unchastised, without the whip.

7. Moreover, John of Ber-cow, he that was called the speaker, whose every word was "Order! Order!" vowed to stop the Brexodus by fair means or foul. For this is called "impartiality".

8. So Bosis said, "May this for a lark be stuffed, and let us send the members of the House of common people back to the Red Seaside, to a place called Pro-rog, that they thwart me not."

9. But at that time the children of Bri-tain were really being ruled by Judges. Thus, in the courts of the supreme, it was decided that the House of common people must leave Pro-rog, and return to work.

10. And all the people rejoiced, for is not the word of an unelected judge to be preferred above the word of an elected leader?

Supreme Court

The judges dress up as tigers in order to frighten Bosis.

11. Now Bosis returned from the Pharaoh with a new deal, and he vowed once again to leave at the end of the tenth month.

12. But, owing to a series of events which are too complex for this book, especially if it is to be read out at Mass when people are thinking of something else, he was unable to leave.

13. For Oliver the Lost One, aided by Ber-cow the speaker, forced Bosis to write to the Pharaoh Juncker and Donald Ivereigh-Tusk, saying "We wish to remain in the land of EUgypt for a bit longer, as we are having such a great time."

14. And Bosis sent the letter, but refused to sign it. Indeed, he sent a second letter, saying, "Please ignore the first letter for I was being tortured when I wrote it."

15. However, the Pharaoh guessed that the first letter was from Bosis, and granted him a few more months of servitude.

Letter

Bosis maketh things perfectly clear.

16. In the end the House of common people, having debated for three years on the question of Brexodus, agreed to dissolve itself, and allow the children of Bri-tain to elect new leaders.

17. And Ber-cow vowed to speak no more. Although he was later heard speaking on the visions of Tele.

18. Thus there were four main tribes involved in the election: the Conservatites of Bosis, the Corbynites of Jeremiah (he who hated the children of Israel), the Liberated Democratites of Josephine, and the Scottites of the north, who worshipped a giant sturgeon.

19. So for forty days and forty nights the four tribes put forth their empty promises ("a camel in every home", "handmaidens to satisy your every wish", "a land flowing with milk and honey") to the children of Bri-tain. And the children of Bri-tain threw their words into the burning fiery furnace.

Uxbridge election

Bosis meeteth his adversaries, including the Count of Binface, at the bridge of Ux.

20. So finally, in the middle of the twelfth month, the people showed their wishes by writing a mighty "X" on the papers of ballot.

21. And, when the votes were counted, it was seen that Bosis had vanquished the Corbynites. Also, Josephine the Democratite was cast into the outer darkness, as were many other famous men, including Chukhas Ur-money and some of the big beasts.

22. Thus Bosis was granted five more years in which to leave the land of EUgypt. If he could.

To be continued.

5 comments:

  1. And how did El-mo of Muppet get in there? It was hilarious to see Elmo tussling with Corbyn's goons.

    Thank God Great Britain has a chance for sovereignty once again!
    America rejoices with you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ROTFL! Too funny for words! ...the Scottites of the North, who worshipped a giant sturgeon... very good.

    ReplyDelete
  3. And the Greenites were carried away by their own prophecies of doom and overwhelmed by the rising waters of the Nile. They ceased to rebel against their own extinction, and were seen no more on the face of the tel-ee.

    ReplyDelete

  4. A photo of the Brexodus:

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B6i3_mQjbl4/

    ReplyDelete