Harry Potter and the Curse of Woke

All royalties to be divided equally with J.K. Rowling.

"Harry (he him), have you met the new pupil, Doris Trans?" asked Hermione (she, her). "She was born as Boris Trans, but don't call her that. Apparently, a great wizard cast a spell on her, and she is now female!"

A bearded giant strode into the room. "Hi, guys, gals, and others!" she said. "Professor Dumbledore (he, him, most of the time) has said I can use the girls' changing rooms; I'm looking forward to taking up ladies' boxing and wrestling, and smashing girls' heads in."

The beautiful Doris Woke.

Just then Hagrid entered the room, carrying a huge trunk. "Hey, Boris," he said, "here's your luggage!"

"You transphobic BIGOT!" said Doris, knocking Hagrid unconscious with a single blow of her delicate fists.

Quick as a flash, Hermione reacted. Trying out a new spell for the first time she waved her wand and shouted "CIS TRANS". Instantly, everyone in the room began to identify with the opposite gender: Harriet Potter (she, her), Hismione Granger (he, him), Boris Trans (he, him), and the lovely but rather stunned Hagrida (she, her).

Professor Snape, who was just passing, caught a weakened form of the spell, and became convinced that he or she was now a member of all genders simultaneously.

"You'll be punished for this, Miss, er, Mr Granger!"

That evening Dumbledore decided to take action, and he used the Sorting Hat to classify each of the pupils into one of the four main genders: male, female, transmale, and transfemale. This just left Draco Malefem, who insisted that zi was Two-Spirit Fluid Bi-Pan-Sexual, and would need to use both bathrooms simultaneously.

But where did that leave Lord (or Lady) Voldemort? Nobody knew.

Author's note: this is supposed to be a spiritually nourishing blog, so we end with a quotation from Jeremiah 13:23.

"Can the leopard change his spots, or the man his chromosomes?"