The first victim of this new rule is Archbishop Fulton Sheen, who was due to be beatified in a few weeks time, now that his body has been wrested from the pudgy grip of Cardinal Dolan. The USCCB have pointed out that it is almost unheard-of for an American bishop to have lived a life of purity and decency ("We've all got boyfriends," claimed one bishop), and so there must be something nasty in Sheen's history.
Fulton Sheen appears on "What's my line" and writes down his occupation.
Elizabeth the Scalier, also known as the Angriest, who has left Patheticos and now works for Bishop Barron's "Throw our words into the fire" empire, has come up with the suggestion that perhaps Sheen had some homosexual relations in his CV.
It is believed that in a few days time she will have come up with more imaginative speculations - possibly the existence of a beach house in which seminarians were abused. Obvuously, mere homosexual activity is not considered a bar to canonization these days, indeed in some Jesuit circles it is really a sine qua non.
No doubts about Cardinal Martini (a.k.a. Baal)!
Vatican Dispatch: New Tradition for Expediting Canonization
ReplyDeleteWhy Wait For Saint-Gate?
Bishops and their “Viri Probati partners” may now present themselves for canonization, preferably prior to demise.
Pre-planning your joint funeral-canonization rite fire-proofs your post-episcopal legacy.
Requisite non-requiem music may be selected from The World Cup of Bad Catholic Hymns (Eccles Ecclesiastical Edition).
In the event that one partner looks to die before the other, please consult:
Couples Handbook on Last Rites for Death with Diocesan Dignity.
Miracle of your choice may be coordinated with the Dicastery for Dubia.
Incorruptibility fee extra. See Cong. for Inter-Religious Remains: Mummies for Dummies.
"We've all got boyfriends" LOL!
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, these people make me sick. He's been declared Venerable already, they KNOW he's more than worthy. They cannot say the same for themselves.