Pentecost Special

Some of this is true, some of it exaggerated. Decide for yourselves which is which.

To Mass on Pentecost Sunday. We were told in advance that there would be a bring-food-and-share-it meal afterwards, encouraged to wear our own national costumes and bring our traditional food (we're a fairly diverse parish).

First surprise: the three Mass readings weren't in English (or even Latin). Admittedly, they were printed in English on the service sheet, but it sometimes became impossible to match them to the foreign-language readings we heard.

"... how does it happen that each hears him in his own native language?"

(N.B.: we didn't this time.)

One example: an African in traditional costume read the bit from the Acts of the Apostles. Actually, not a great loss, as he has such a heavy accent that I cannot always follow him when he reads in English, either.

The other languages used were easier to identify.

"What traditional English costume was Eccles wearing?" You may ask. I had several possibilities, but I won't reveal which one I eventually chose.

Option 1.

Option 2.

Option 3.

I did my bit for diversity by putting some left-over Swedish kronor in the collection, rather than the usual 5p. I've been trying to get rid of them for several years.

Anyway, we come to the bring-food-and-share-it. What traditional English foods would appeal to everyone? Tripe and onions? Black pudding? Jellied eels? Eccles cakes (of course)?

And what traditional foreign foods will they offer in return? Frogs' legs? Snails? Sheep's eyes? Korean hot dogs? Yummy!

In the end we were blessed by food from the New Hebrides / Vanuatu, where traditionally they ate missionaries.

Delicious!

The Book of St Richard, Chapter 26

Continued from Chapter 25.

1. And it came to pass that Richard spake out on the subject of food.

2. "What if human meat is grown? Could we overcome our taboo against cannibalism?" he asked.

"No, it's not beef, it's not pork. Have another guess!"

3. For he had begun to tire of the land of milk and honey in which he found himself in his old age. Especially the honey, which his thousands of admirers sent him daily.

4. For Richard had cried out in woe at the loss of his favourite honey pot to the guardians of the port that is called Air. Which was all the fault of Bin Laden.

5. And now he craved the flesh of Man.

6. The lunch of the ploughman, the pie of the shepherds, and the stew of the biologist, all these he craved.

7. The toad in the hole craved he not, neither the rare delicacy known as spam.

A dish fit for a celebrity atheist.

8. And many mocked Richard, but other devout people supported him.

9. For the Ecumenical Episcopalian-Aztec Fellowship said that in a very real sense Richard was to be commended.

10. Moreover, the Hannibal Lecteran Church wished to feast with the great professor.

11. Indeed, he was even blessed by the Catholic Diocese of the Borneo head-hunters, who had been praised by the Bishop Sorondo for their social teachings.

"The head-hunters will be meeting me somewhere round here for dinner."

12. But the friends of Richard hardened their hearts against the cooking-pots of Dawkins.

13. Even the learned atheist that is called Grayling refused to partake of Tête d'agent d'assurances à la Dawkins avec pommes frites. For alas! he had his own woes.

14. Yeah, he had discovered that Brexodus was like unto the Great War, that Maysis was using the gas of mustard, that the Rees that is Mogg was literally the Kaiser, and that millions had already been slain.

15. Wherefore then should he divert himself with the lighter pastimes of the table?

16. So Richard ate alone.

Continued in Chapter 27.

How social media bring people to the Catholic Church

In the news this week is Youtuber (whatever that is) Lizzie Estrella Reezay, who has announced her conversion to Catholicism. Apparently, social media are bringing in converts by the zillion: this blog will try and discover why.

"I owe it all to reading the Eccles blog."

Says one convert, "I feel that the Catholic Church is truly united behind Pope Francis at present. There is a general sense of well-being. He has solved the problems of China, by allowing them to appoint their own bishops, and probably the next Pope as well. He has waved his hand and made all the sex and financial scandals vanish into thin air. He has written a document on marriage and the family, Amoris Laetitia, that everyone can agree on. He has made some brilliant appointments of cardinals, by choosing the most unlikely people! What a time to be alive!"

"I'll have the shepherd's pie, made with real shepherds." No wonder people would rather be Catholics.

Said another convert, "I like the way new Catholics are made welcome. Austen Ivereigh - surely one of the giants of Catholic journalism - has described us as neurotic, and he is spot on! Then there's Professor Doctor Doctorior Doctorissimus Massimo Faggioli, a man whose knowledge of Catholic theology since 2013 (when the subject was invented) is second to none: he has warned us against conservative converts, and quite right too. Apparently the Catholic catechism will soon contain a section explaining that we should support Marxism, and that's only fair."

"Walter Kasper is my hero. A pillar of orthodoxy and traditional teaching."

Another convert spoke of the powerful work of Father James Martin LGBTSJ in driving people into the Catholic Church. "His new book, Digging a hole, is pure genius, and explains how we should all strive to go downhill. As explained in the papal encyclicals Facilis descensus Averno and Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate, there is wide path that we can all follow, paved with good intentions, and this is the way he wants Catholics to go."

But why do people rely on social media for their spiritual nourishment? Instead, could the Catholic Church not appoint people as leaders - you know, generally-respected shepherds of the sheep, who could give guidance? We would expect such people to speak out on issues of public concern. I've even thought of a name for them - bishops!

A bishop, showing leadership.

No, there's no hope there, and so people are driven to social media for guidance.

A final word from another convert: "In the end, the most effective tool for Evangelisation is surely the Eccles blog. Pope Francis is a regular reader of his "How to be a good pope" advice column; Peter Hitchens has never been the same since it was pointed out to him that Queen Elizabeth I martyred Catholics; Antonio Spadaro hangs on his every word. It can't be long before these three people (and many others) come out as Catholics." He's right, you know.

Pope Francis praises Mexican culture

On his visit to Mexico, Pope Francis has praised the culture and traditions of Mexico's indigenous people, and condemned the interference of Europeans.

Who are we to judge?

"In my trips round the world, I have found common ground with many non-Catholic religions," said the Holy Father, "including the Russian Orthodox, the Lutherans, and even the Muslims. Now is the time for dialogue with the Aztec high priests."

The Pope went on to condemn the European invaders who had suppressed the traditional Aztec religion and imposed Catholicism. "You may say that human sacrifice and cannibalism are nasty 'traddy' rites, and contrary to the Spirit of Vatican II, but in this Year of Mercy we should recognise that the Catholic Church is big enough to embrace these old traditions."