Ancient comedy team reunited

All eyes were on the O2 arena last night, where a group of 1960s comedians (described by Mick Jagger as "a bunch of wrinkly old men trying to relive their youth and make a load of money") were reunited in a performance of "Monty Python and the Holy Smoke", also known as "The Spirit of Vatican II".

Cardinal Kasper and friends in "Nobody expected the CDF".

The names on stage were legendary: people who we thought we'd never see again - such as Hans Küng, Tony Flannery, Basil Loftus, and Lorenzo Baldisseri - and they performed all those comic sketches we remember from the 1960s.

Basil Loftus - later starred in "Fawlty Dogmas".

As expected, we had a revival of the famous "Dead Parish" sketch, in which the customer complains that nobody attends his church any more, and the shopkeeper tries to persuade him that guitars and clown masses are the answer.

The Ministry of Silly Walks - liturgical dancing from Liverpool.

A touch of glamour was provided by Prof. Tina Beattie, who starred in "The Killer Joke", the tale of a woman who writes such a funny book (God's Mother, Eve's Advocate) that everyone who reads it dies laughing.

We also enjoyed the "Argument" sketch, in which an innocent pope goes into the Tablet offices, and finds himself engaged in a meaningless dialogue, in which everything he says is contradicted.

It's Da Bishop! And he's caught one of his deacons blogging!

Finally, the audience joined in with enthusiasm when Paul Inwood appeared on stage to lead them in a chorus of his notorious hymn "I'm a lumbering hack and I'm OK, ch-ch", backed by the ACTA choir.

Paul Inwood.

Of course, it is now illegal for anyone to put on a public performance without including at least one of Stephen Fry, Brian Cox and Stephen Hawking, and this show was no exception. But curiously their pompous atheism fitted in very well with the rest of the proceedings.

Love and fluffy bunnies

In which Eccles offends nobody.

This is me, Eccles (but without the red biretta).

A few of my recent posts have been a bit too satirical, and misunderstood by people who didn't really get the point - this misunderstanding being encouraged by some deliberate misrepresentation by various unsaved persons. So today I am going to impersonate a fluffy bunny, and show that I can love my enemies: I will offend nobody. After all, you never saw Christ mocking the Pharisees. Well, except in the Bible.

As a carrot in good standing, I wish to protest about fluffy bunnies.

Let's start with my new friend Richard Dawkins. Since I stood up for him in the TEESHIRTGATE scandal, saying that he had a perfect right to wear a "Jesus and Mo" tee-shirt, provided that he didn't mind looking like a vulgar idiot, Professor D. has become one of my greatest admirers. "There's a lot of good in Brother Eccles," he says, and indeed, he has sent me flowers, chocolates, and copies of his greatest books; also, he has invited me to attend a Dawkins-worship service at the Church of Dawkins. I am still undecided about that.

L'élégance Oxonienne - but I don't understand this shirt.

Who is next for the Eccles paw of friendship? Poor Barack Obama has had a bad press here lately, but what's a passion for late-term abortions and a mania for warmongering, among close friends? No, I have plenty of good things to say about him too.

A true comedian: Obama recreates the "silly walks" sketch from Monty Python.

Another politician who needs a little love is Enda Kenny. No, I will not call him Enda Life, nor refer to him as Ireland's shame. He is a pious Catholic, fully supported by the Irish bishops, and the world is a beautiful place.

Enda Kenny - loves all creatures that live and breathe.*

*Offer may not apply to humans. Your mileage may vary.

Another group of people that I have vowed to love is the Tablet staff. Distinguished experts on Human Flourishing such as Tina Beattie, brilliant writers such as Catherine Pepinster, and of course the great Ed Stourton, as a result of whose efforts the BBC is now regarded in many circles as a place where one finds unswerving support for orthodox Catholicism.

"And they roll up their trouser legs like this." Ed explains freemasonry.

Of course Eccles is already on excellent terms with the English and Welsh bishops, and has often praised their faithfulness to the Magisterium and their opposition to organizations such as ACTA. Oh, don't get me wrong, I love ACTA too, I think it's shocking that they live in fear, and that most Catholics are too busy getting on with their daily business of loving God and loving their neighbours to listen to their demands for power. But of course bishops are even more important than the 95-year-old enfants terribles of the Church.

A bishop. Anglican? Catholic? How can you tell?

Well, even fluffy bunnies have their enemies. If any blood-crazed ferrets or foxy deacons are reading this, I love you too, but preferably from a safe distance.

Bad Hymns 18

Today's nomination for the Eccles Bad Hymn Award is the song most frequently played at funerals, namely "My Way." Accordingly, we invited Paul Anka, the original lyricist, to discuss the work with us.

He did it his way.

E: Paul, good to see you here. I started my researches on your hymn by reading the Wikipedia entry. It seems to have been written by a doctor of moral philosophy.

The lyrics of "My Way" tell the story of a man who, having grown old, reflects on his life as death approaches. He is comfortable with his mortality and takes responsibility for how he dealt with all the challenges of life while maintaining a respectable degree of integrity.

A: Yes, that seems to sum it up, Eccles. In this modern era, where we don't believe in good and evil, can we not say, Regrets, I've had a few, But then again, too few to mention?

E: Well a certain Pharisee would definitely have agreed with you. By the way, it says here that I travelled each and ev'ry highway. Are you a great walker?

A great walker, who did it his way.

A: It doesn't do to take the words too literally, Eccles. Likewise, And so I face the final curtain isn't referring to a literal curtain.

E: Actually, in a crematorium there often is a literal curtain, through which the coffin slides away. But never mind. I see that your hymn asks, For what is a man, what has he got? Have you been reading Psalm 8? What is man that thou art mindful of him?

A: Except that I come to a different conclusion, Eccles.

E: It seems to me that what the song is saying is that the late lamented was a smug, selfish, egotistical, pig-headed, arrogant fool. Of course, many late lamenteds are like that, but should we really say so, explicitly?

Totally irrelevant image.

A: You've got it, Eccles. These are the words the mourners really have in their heads:

He was a pain, we're glad he's dead,
He made his family's life a misery.
He never listened to a word we said,
What's more, he always had to do things his way.

E: Paul Anka, thank you for explaining this hymn to us.

"And more, much more than this, I did it my way."

---

Previous entries for the Eccles Bad Hymn Award:

Lord of the Dance.    Shine, Jesus, shine.    Enemy of apathy.    Walk in the Light.
Kum Ba Yah.    Follow me.    God's Spirit is in my heart.    Imagine.    Alleluia Ch-ch.
It ain't necessarily so.    I, the Lord of sea and sky.    Colours of day.    The red flag.
Go, the Mass is ended.    I watch the sunrise.    Bind us together, Lord.    Our god reigns.