Alfie de pussy cat

My bruvver Bosco is still actin strangely for one who have got an e-mail from Jessus sayin dat he is saved. "Eccles," he said, "You and I has not been bruvverly reccently, and I is very sorry. So I has got you a nice pussy cat called Alfie, he will be a freind to you, you can stroke him, and kiss him goodnihgt, and maybe he will sleep wiv you too." Dis is Alfie de pussy cat, I aint never seen a cat wiv so many legs beforre, but Bosco says it is a rare brede.

I give him a suacer of milk but he aint very interrested.

Anyways, dats enuogh about pets, I is more interrested in bein saved. Dat means attackin Cathlics wherever dey pops up.

Still, we is goin to de Cathlic instruxion classes ("Know de enemmy", sez Bosco) to find out what dey believes in. Dis sort of schalorship aint avialable in de Calumny Chappel, as we don't get much deeper than de holly prayer: "Oh God, we is wonderful and all de rest is horrid. Fanks, God. PS If you can do anyfink about Bosco's spots and boddy odor dat would be a grate favor too, but dont worry if you is too busy."

Anyways, Fr Eakshow helped us study a text about a guy what got a speck in his eye, and anuvver guy wiv a plank in his own eye came along to take it out. Bosco and I is still arguin about dis one. All we can fink of is dat dey has spotted dat Bosco once rammed a plank into de face of one of de Dominican Fryers wot lives nearby, and dis is a sutble warnin from Fr Eakshow dat Bosco is found out.

Bosco, my dere, is dis pitcher a Cathlic iddle, do you fink? I found it on Damain Thopmson's blogg, so it's probbable dat he kisses it every nihgt.