Ullo, dis is the Calumny Chappel.
If you is saved already, PRESS 1.
If you wishes to complain about Bosco's blogg, PRESS 2.
If you is Jessus phonin up to complement us, PRESS 3.
If you wants to give us money, PRESS 4.
If you is tryin to sell us an iddle, PRESS 5.
If you is de police, den we is all on holiday for de weekend. Wot a shame you missed us.
If you is Bosco, den get off de phone and come and remove dat boddy you left in de porch.
If you is Grate-Anti Moly, go away, dis aint de gin shop.
If you is a Cathlic, den you gotta nerve you horrid iddletraitor.
Otherwise, hold de line and you will be able to speak to one of our trained physchitrists.