Well, I started looking for finger prints, blood stanes, and scraps of tobbaco ash, like Sheerlock Homes wuold do. First I fuond Anti Moly sleepin sweetly under de tabble wiv 18 gin bottles. Next, I went to de tiolet, and on de wall I saw lots of interrestin grafitti wiv messages like "Cathlics is all dirty fagots and preverts", but I knew what dat was, it was just de first draft of Bosco's luvvly Christain blogg.
De briliant dettective Eccles was not to be thwatted, and in de end I worked out who it was by a deviuos strattegem, viz sayin out loud "Who dun that, eh?" One of de geusts turned out to be an imposter, he werent from de Lake Hellsinus Calumny Chappel at all, but from our grate rivvals de Lake Hellsapoppin Calvados Chapule. Dis is a scissmattic branch, wot have pervertted de teechins of our grate founder, St Chuck (whose statue we kisses each Sunday). De absurd herresies dey believe includes:
1. You gotta dress up as vampirres, not as clowns, to worsship de Lord.
2. Cathlicks is all dammed, but dey aint as bad as Musslims.
3. When convertin herretics who aint saved, dont use an axe but use a blunt instrumeant.
4. Worshippin iddles is bad, but Sabbaf-brakin is even worse, although you is allowed to do it on a Tuesday.
Dis is Pastor Lugosi of de herretical Calvados Chapule givvin de kiss of peace to a worhsipper. You can tell dey aint saved.
Dis is de way WE in de Calumny Chappel, de really saved ones, does de kiss of peace.
We is plannin a briliant coupp against dem Calvados herretics, just as soon as Bosco's concusion is better. De doctor said dat Bosco should take some tabblets, but I aint sure dat we gave him de the rihgt ones, he gone into de gardden wiv dem and is keeping de neihgbors awake wiv his shoutin.