This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 17 January 2015

Saint of the Week - St Martin McGuinness

When parents christen their baby James Martin Pacelli McGuinness - note the Pacelli after Pope Pius XII - you can be sure that he will grow up to be a pious Catholic, destined for rapid canonization. Admittedly he may have been a bit of a handful as a child - there are stories told of his tarring and feathering his teddy-bear, kneecapping his golliwog, and attempting to bury his Humpty Dumpty doll in an unmarked grave - but we knew that he would grow out of such childish habits. By the way, there is no truth in the story that his pet kitten was blown up by semtex to punish it for bringing in a dead mouse.


Pacelli? Why didn't the parents choose Al Capone, Don Corleone or Sinatra?

After a distinguished political career, Martin rose to be the deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland. His was the voice of Catholicism, in contrast to the nasty Protestants led by Ian Paisley. Indeed, many believed that a holy man like Martin would become a priest, perhaps something like Fr Tony Flannery; maybe he would even rise to be a distinguished archbishop like Seán Brady. The Catholic Church in Ireland had never had it so good.

Paisley and McGuinness

Fathers Paisley and McGuinness enjoy an ecumenical joke together.

Eventually Martin, who had been MP for mid-Ulster, left the British House of Commons. To do this he had to apply for either the Stewardship of the Chiltern Hundreds, or the Stewardship of the Manor of Northstead. He chose the latter, and the good people of Northstead were indeed blessed by several weeks' just stewardship with hardly anybody being murdered. Since Gerry Adams and Ian Paisley have also held this stewardship at various times, this remote part of Yorkshire is rapidly becoming a place of pilgrimage.


Lourdes? No, simply the gardens of the Manor of Northstead.

St Martin is in the news again now, for he has announced a change in the Catholic doctrine on abortion. From now on, it's OK to kill Catholics in the womb, as - for some people - it's always been OK to kill Protestants outside the womb. "I try and be the best Catholic I can be," says Martin, and who can doubt that he has always been the best Catholic he could ever be? After all, Hitler was a pious Catholic, as atheists never stop telling us, and Martin is no less a saint.

Eamon Martin and Martin McGuinness

Explaining to Archbishop Eamon Martin what the new rules are.

So please give us no more talk about Martin McGuinness being excommunicated. Rather let us talk of this saintly man being swept up to Heaven with a blaze of trumpets. Alleluia!

© Extreme Loony Socialist Party of Ireland.

On another topic, here's some moral instruction:

considered as one of the fine arts

Thomas De Quincey's thought for the day.


  1. He's one of those Catholics who would rather kill for the Church than go into one.

    1. I have known about Martin McGuinness since way before he became known to the British press and broadcasting media as his brother was at school with a priest friend of mine from Derry. Martin does, indeed, try to be as good a Catholic as he can be. He never misses Mass and he doesn't simply go on Sundays. Growing up, his children, unlike many, were taken to Mass each Sunday and on Holy Days of Obligation, if at all possible by both parents. Martin makes no claim to be an intellectual, little less a theologian, and he tries to avoid talking publicly about his faith. Not all in Sinn Fein, even some very senior members, are happy with some of the lines now being followed, including on abortion. I rather suspect that Martin is one. Martin's family, unlike that of Gerry Adams, had no history in the IRA until they were drawn into having to defend their neighbours and their neighbourhood, including their chapels and schools, not just from the so-called "Loyalist" mobs and the B-Specials but also from the British Army (long before Bloody Sunday). Your total ignorance of Martin's life, as evidenced by your comment here being so wide of the mark, should have precluded you from commenting but since it didn't may I ask what entitles you to look down your nose at him? Oh, of course, you are a "good" Catholic. Well so am I. And had I been brought up amongst my family in West Fermanagh and not in the West of Scotland, I am fairly certain I would have been with several of them in the ranks of the IRA.

  2. I never associated the IRA with Catholicism tbh. Too much killing

  3. I always assumed that being a member of the IRA was exactly like being a member of Freemasonry. Both are secret societies in which God plays no part. Each exists simply for the advancement of the cult and to hell with everyone else. Double dealing is par for the cause in both organisations.

  4. St Martin McGuinness patron "saint" of stout drinkers.

    1. Another happy to cast aspersions despite being totally ignorant of the person concerned. Martin is not and never has been a drinker.

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