This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 11 January 2015

Why aren't you joining in the mass hysteria?

As the mutually enriching Fr John Hunwicke was probably the first to say, the eerie mass hysteria of the "Je suis Charlie" marchers is just a rerun of events surrounding Princess Diana's demise.

Charlie Hebdo cartoon

About the least offensive of all the Charlie Hebdo cartoons.

So let us look forward to this week's mass hysteria.

Tony Blair will come out of his coffin retirement to make a moving speech, explaining that these were the People's Cartoonists. The fact that they grossly insulted God, Jesus, etc. will be ignored because "We don't do God."

Elton John will rework his "Candle in the Wind" into a moving "Bougie* dans le vent", which will sell 100000000000000 copies and make him even richer than before.


* Note to non-linguists: "bougie" means "candle" not "budgie".

The Queen will be "told" to fly the Union Flag at half mast at Buckingham Palace, or risk being deposed by an invasion of sans-culottes (people without underpants). That sort of thing is very popular in France, at least in July.

Mohamed "Al" Fayed (yes, he's still alive, and probably still barking mad) will explain how the Duke of Edinburgh masterminded the murder of the Charlie Hebdo staff.

Many of us will be shunned by our families, friends and neighbours, because we dare to go outside without wearing a "Je suis Charlie" badge.

placard mob

Spot the heartless terrorism-supporting brute who doesn't have a placard.


  1. I am just off to by shares in The Bear Factory. It's an ill wind.

  2. You will have to forgive me, for this has been a really really really trying day.It started with a trip to the seaside to practise my Canadian Airforce exercises on the beach to show off my new p.t. kit and attracted the attention of Kevin Mayhew Fan Club who were engaging in Mass hysteria outside the local church. Unfortunately I am now getting tweets from wobbly old ladies with hugs and kisses on, and I foresee a bout of wrestling with Miss Piggyator when she finds out. Note to self:(screencapped) I must practise the half-nelson that worked on the last occasion.

    Later on I spent happy hour in the garage posting snide comments about anonymous tweets, until I discovered that I had got all my time settings mixed up and that both identities had been posting in the middle of the night from their respective time zones for a month, and I was so nivose I put my accents on back to front. Quelle damage!

    So I am forced to conclude Je suis un propre Charlie.

    I must lurve you and leave you, as I am trying to upload a a picture of myself in Stanley Matthews shorts and a black string vest onto in the hope that I can get cruel and predatory with an unsuspecting trolley dolly.

  3. Manipulation of the masses by constant propaganda and conditioning, who respond just as desired, on cue. And all the frantic behaviour of the government leaders to provoke as much unreasonable terror as possible, so that they can increase their repressive laws and policies against the people. As with similar events, there has been involvement going back some time with the intelligence agencies. The governments are taking the sleepwalking masses into war. Blessed Michael, the Archangel, defend us in battle . . .

  4. Aren't they just a bunch of Charlies?

  5. I have Latin Mass hysteria.

  6. Non sum Carolus

    1. Suggested the same on Fr Blake's blogg, bruvver 3L5: with "Non sum Carolulus" as a diminutive.

    2. Sorry about the ID dear Eccles. That's what happens when you don't really understand how OpenID works. Must admit, I quite like it though, but it's a bit hard to remember....

    3. I was once asked to baptise a child with that name. I managed to persuade the parents to hyphenate it, on the basis that it would make life much easier for the kid to be known simply as 3L5bk8gFiZca0sgzvzTx when he started at school. (Typically, when he reached his teens, he repudiated that name and insisted on being called MBoxpr6ggG8aATqaNMzK.)

    4. Hilarious Wynn. Thanks very much!!!
      Next time, if there ever is a next time, I will avoid such mundane names as Theodosious, Josephas and Eusebius.

    5. You should see some of the names I really do get asked to baptise children with …

  7. Je suis charlie is a french irregular verb, conjugated as follows:

    Je suis charlie et si si si gentil et sympa (comme Tony Blair)
    Tu es un bigot
    Il est un fascist
    Nous sommes si si si gentils et sympathiques
    Vous êtes homophobes
    Ils sont terroristes

  8. Why would anyone follow Charlie ?