This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday 26 January 2015

Saint of the Week - St Libby

St Libidina ("Libby") Lane of Stockport was a twenty-first century Anglican saint, known for bringing Christianity to the sexist, misogynist, pagan lands of Stockport.

St Libby Lane

St Libidina of Stockport.

Such was her piety that St Libby was described by the legendary Archbishop Sentamu (a man of such exalted station that he was outranked only by Archbishop Welby, Queen Elizabeth II and God - and even then, only just) as "following in the footsteps of St Margaret Clitherow."

Sentamu and Welby

"Actually, I meant to say Jimmy Clitheroe, but nobody noticed."

St Margaret Clitherow was a Catholic Saint who was martyred in 1586 by being crushed with rocks (this was in the reign of Good Queen Bess, and was part of her policy of "tolerance towards Catholics"). St Libidina, on the other hand, suffered far greater woes, as she saw a succession of useless no-hopers appointed to the job of bishop - this is also a Catholic tradition - while she was sent out to make the tea and do the washing-up. Was she never to wear the coveted hat of a bishop?

Margaret Clitherow

St Margaret Clitherow - her martyrdom was considered a "luxury" by Yorkshiremen.

Of course traditions in the two churches do differ. The Catholics are forced to follow in the sexist footsteps of Jesus Christ, a man who never said anything significant about equality and diversity, women's issues, or the right to wear Babylonian fish hats. The Anglicans, on the other hand, take their lead from Henry VIII, a man who married six times and fully knew how to give a girl a good time (at least for a while).

fish hat

The latest in bishop's mitres.

The day of St Libidina's fast-track consecration/ ordination/ promotion/ redeployment to an executive role in Anglico was itself full of drama. As the Archbishop read out the traditional words "Does any sexist mail chauvinist pig know any just cause or impediment why this girl may not be given a key to the bishops' washroom?" there came a cry of "Put a sock in it, Sentamu!" Nonetheless, a miracle occurred, and Archbishop Sentamu managed to achieve something that Christ Himself would never have dared to do. Yes, St Libidina had made it to the Board of Directors!

11 comments:

  1. I do not understand the fuss about today's appearance at York Minster of that longstanding minor national treasure, the Reverend Paul Williamson.

    There is a very long tradition of even entire congregations shouting "No" to new bishops, usually because the civil power had sought to impose someone politically unacceptable to the locality.

    That was fairly common until quite recently in topical Greece, where it may well reappear in the coming months and years.

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  2. As Stockport's premier Pagan leader,and a keen promoter of misandry within the local Townswitches Guild, I remain unimpressed. That scarf cries out for a brooch.

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  3. Are you serious that Sentamu actually said she was following in the footsteps of St Margaret Clitherow? I am really shocked if so.

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    1. He did indeed say it! I could never have invented something as silly as that.

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  4. It was a tough contest for the job - Penny Lane; Frances (Frankey) Lane; Downe le Lane; Lane Bryant & Libby Lane all fought it out to become the first ever sectarian schismatic standpoint feminist bishopess in Stockport. You've just got to be desperate these days. This will have a profound impact on the game of chess & cul-de-sac design.

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  5. "following in the footsteps of St Margaret Clitherow."

    Pressed to death? Surely not in these ecumaniacal days!

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    1. If I were the "Rev" Libby, I would have wondered whether he meant it as a compliment or a warning.

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  6. @David Lindsay, I would like to point out - as a geography teacher in good standing - that Greece is not currently topical but has a Mediterranean climate. Unfortunately, due to the importation of a new Marxist climate from Venezuela, the Mediterranean climate will become more topical as the economy burns in Greece, then Spain and Italy. Did anyone ever think Hugo Chavez (roast in peace) was going to affect us? Oh dear....

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  7. St. Libidina for the first archbisopess of Canterbury, I say!

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  8. As the Archsectarian Welby stated after the ceremony, "je suis charlatan."

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  9. If Luby Lou is to be canonised, what about the other characters? This is an outrage, I will petition HH to canonise both Bill and Ben (should the rumours remain unproven) and also to consider Weed whose numerous appearances and bilocations in my garden are little short of miraculous.

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