This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday, 7 January 2012

Opeless Dei

We has had a lotta trubble from Farver Arfur lately, cos de Pop have turned down his applicatoin to run a private branch of de Inquisitoin. Arfur wanted to move away from traddy ideas about forgivvin sinners, and settle down to a bit of torcherin instead. So he is furrious dat de Pop is talkin about luvvin your nieghbor, a traddy practise wot was outlawed by Vattican II (I fink dat's de name of de Pop wot did it).

Dis week Farver Arfur was givven de job of hearin a little girl's confessoin. "Mom said I was very nuaghty and stayed in bed cuddlin my teddy bear," said dis Sattanic kiddie. Farver Arfur was very angry. "You is an evil sinner wot is surely gonna go to Hell for dat," he told de little girl, "so I is confiscatin your teddy bear and burnin it."

Burnin iddle

Three cheers for Farver Arfur, he is sure is good at condenming iddles.

As a result of dis firm stand on mortal sins, Damain Thopmson telephonned Arfur to say dat he shuold join Opeless Dei. Dis aint to be confussed wiv Opuss Dei, wot is de one wiv de albinno monks in De Vinchi Cod. Nor is it rellated to Opus Sum, which is a club for poeple like my Anti Moly wot likes eating Austrialan marsuppials. Nope, Opeless Dei is a soceity for Cathlics wot is otherwise unemployyable. Dat's why Damain suggestted it as a way of keepin Farver Arfur off de streets.

Arfur after a swim

Dat's Farver Arfur just after dey told him de news dat he was elligible to join Opeless Dei. He's been for a swim, dat's why he aint dressed as a cosstume holly man rihgt now.

We has found out dat Opeless Dei is very keen on flagulation, which means dat Arfur still gets to whip poeple if he finks dey has sinned against de Catacoms of de Churhc. Perhapps he have finally fuond his true vocatoin.

My bruvver Bosco (Pop Bozodict) has decidded to go on a retreet, dat is why you aint heard anyfink from him lately. He went into de wilderness (Lost Angels) and he is now on top of a pole medditatin like St Simon Skylights.

Bosco medditatin

So far he aint come up wiv any profound medditatoins, he just shouts "You aint saved like me, stupid" at de passers-by in de street. If he comes up wiv any more wise sayings, I will let you know.

Not to be outdone, Anti Moly started tellin me dat she used to be a pole dancer when she was young. I fink dis story needs to be told some uvver time.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. I think you may be confused, Eccles, as to Moly's pole dancing exploits. I was reading the correspondence of the Scottish ambassador to the court of Phillip and Mary. In 1556, he mentions the following:

    "A kitchen wench doth imagine hyrself in the throes of an impious and uncontrollable passion for our fayre virtuous and nobile Cradinal Pole, and doth disport hyrself voluptuously in his prescence, to the musick of the satanic pipe yclept a dygerydoo, played by her Familiar, a bearded Devil, of straunge appearance. Our good Queene is mynded to put them out to sea in an old barge, and let Fate cast them where it wylle".

    Perhaps this is the first historic evidence for the discovery by Europeans of Australia. It could also explain her prejudice against Catholics.

  3. Dat's very good, Jaddis. You sure has done some valluable hystericsl resaerch dere.

  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  5. Ullo, Bosco dere. How nice to here from you, darlin bruvver.

    1. You erase my posts just like Damiens mods. Youre no better than them

    2. Sorry, Bosco dere bruvver, but Mom says you is usin rood words, and I doesnt want dis blogg to get a bad reputtation among saved poeple.