This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Saturday 19 October 2013

Study for the BDSM at Heythrop College!

Heythrop College, the University of London college of philosophy and theology, a centre for Catholic training, is proud to announce a new degree course, the B.D.S.M., or Bachelor of Divinity, Spirituality, and Morals.

discipline nun

Discipline is an important part of academic study.

In this course, which is highly suitable for those wishing to train for the priesthood, we emphasise strict discipline, following the rule of St Beatrix - we are not sure who Rix was.

Doctor and monk

Dr Hartnell applies a corrective to a trainee monk.

When they enrol on the course, students have to sign a binding agreement with the College, and they are rigorously held to it. The main principle of the course is said to be based on the words of St Augustine: Lord, grant me chastity and continence; but not yet. In fact, O Lord, just give me lots of wild sex and I'll confess it all later!

Houdini

A trainee deacon meditates.

We asked a lecturer at Heythrop College whether he thought this degree programme was entirely suitable for the spiritual life, but he said, "Not really, but I'm afraid I can't do anything - my hands are tied."

progressive Catholic coalition

After their training, priests will be able to conduct Masses like this.

3 comments:

  1. Dear Sir,

    My academic colleagues and I are proud of our college's international reputation as a centre for excellence and best practice. To this end we have converted three of our philosophy seminar rooms into a world class BDSM dungeon and best practice has meant no clients have yet been asphyxiated in some of the more challenging sexual perversions our students are encouraged to enjoy there.

    Sometimes it is hard for the average layman to understand the connection between the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius and romping around with condoms, lubricant and vibrators, and I suggest you follow the excellent advice of my fellow Jesuit, the Archdeacon of Rome, and ask yourself "Who am I to judge?"

    Yours etc. in a gimp mask,
    Michael Holdontight, S.J.
    Principal, Heythrop Sexual Theme Park

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  2. This is an exciting job opportunity. Having experience in tying lions to stone tables, and wielding iron bars in Victorian London, I must apply for the job of dungeon mistress immediately. The only other candidate who is in with a chance is my cousin, the Lady of the Green Kirtle, who ran her own BDSM dungeon on Ettinsmoor, and boasted and exclusive royal clientele. Do we get free membership of the Heythrop Feminist Collective?

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  3. Darling eccles, I shall send Bosco over, he seems very keen on burning people at the stake and impaling them, so he can start either as Associate tutor or janitor :) xx Jess

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