This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday 14 February 2014

Celebrities move to Belgium

Belgium has long been an attractive place for tax exiles: for example, in recent years the rock singer Johnny Hallyday and the actor Gérard Depardieu have both applied for Belgian citizenship. And this week, Adolf Hitler, 124, a retired politician, announced that he and some close friends would also be moving to the land of the sprout.

Hitler

Hitler begins his house-hunting.

Herr Hitler had formerly been a resident of North Korea; however, as he says laughingly, "The political system there is great, but I get a bit tired of hot dogs made from real poodles. With the passing of this new law in Belgium, permitting the euthanasia of children, I feel I am really moving to a country that suits me."

Hitler has long been an admirer of Belgium - indeed, for a few years in the 1940s he owned it - although he never dreamed that his ideas would come back into fashion so soon. However, not all Belgians welcome the new law, and Mlle Lisa Colbert, for one, is planning to set up a resistance movement, or "secret army" to rescue children.

Secret Army

We'll be sending children "down the line" to Spain.

Following concerns expressed by Syria, the United Nations is expected to take some time off Vatican-bashing, to look into the situation. Said a spokesman, "We have received a proposal from the United States, that we should try air strikes on Belgium - according to Barack Obama, dropping bombs on people is the best way to help them - and we are seriously considering the possibility."

Elio di Rupo

"Live long and prosper (unless you're ill)!" says Prime Minister Elio di Rupo.

Suicide, euthanasia, and abortion have long been important parts of Belgian culture. Explained one doctor: "People wake up one day, and say to themselves My God! I'm a Belgian! For many, this is such shocking news that they feel obliged to end it all on the spot."

abandon hope

A traditional welcoming sign at the Belgian border.

Before the new euthanasia law comes into force, it must receive the royal assent from King Philippe of Belgium, who is a devout Catholic and a regular reader of this blog. We advise him to abdicate to avoid putting his signature to this law, as did his uncle, King Baudouin when abortion was legalised, although this will not save Belgium. And where Belgium leads, can the rest of Europe be far behind? Another famous Belgian is on the case (and we don't mean Hercule Poirot).

Rompuy Pompuy

We're working on a new "euthanasia" directive, to apply to the whole of the EU.

11 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. The Youth in Asia Movement has nothing to do with Belgium except that both like eating chips. Belgians hate youth, babies, fertile men and women, indigenous Belgians and monogamous heterosexual couples. They also hate practising Catholics! They love boring financiers and infertile life haters.

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  2. Come back Dr Mengele, all is forgiven.

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    Replies
    1. He'd win the Nobel Prize for Medical Science today.

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  3. Darling eccles, how awful - truly disgusting - I hope the King does the right think x Jess

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  4. Dearest Eccles, I have just bumped into your luvvly Anti Moly, who refused my offer of gin and insisted on a large bottle of Australian Chardonnay instead.

    She was also wearing the hat of a corrupt and self-serving Texan oil tycoon, laced with abortifacient drugs, despite her advancing years.

    I am naturally worried about her mental health, though I do not doubt that you will be relieved to hear of the relative state of health of your antipodean relative.

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  5. And the continuing reverberating sound of silence from most of our leaders in the Church. Blessed Michael the archangel defend us in the hour of battle ...

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    1. On the contrary Lynda the current pope has logorrhoea - he has a lot to say about everything but really doesn't sound very Catholic when he speaks. Today he said the Latin Mass is a kind of fashion - huh hum! dangerous when a pope has no Latin at all........and is historically challenged too.

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  6. Van Rumpoy never speaks - is he a ventriloquist dummy or is he just a dummy?

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  7. Perhaps the new “euthanasia directive” could more profitably be directed at the MEPs…?

    The ranks could use some thinning.

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