This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

The Way, the Truth and the Death

The story so far:

1. An Anglican calling herself Canon Rosie Harper, Chaplain to the Bishop of Buckingham, tells the House of Lords that voting against Lord Falconer's Assisted Death bill is "neither moral nor Christian".

"... and there's a poor old man behind me that we could bump off..."

2. The Anglican blogger Cranmer points out that she is wrong and misguided (and her views are contrary to the C of E's official position).

3. The Bishop of Buckingham jumps in with both feet and describes Cranmer's comments as "outrageous trolling".

4. The Baptist blogger Geoffrey Sales asks "Bishops: what are they good for?" with special reference to recent blunders by +Buckingham, +Oxford and +Lancaster, whom he memorably describes as a "bunch of Vichyite jellyfish".

5. The world looks to Eccles for a ruling.

"Hello, I'm your new bishop."

Well, when in doubt go back to the scriptures and see what Jesus said and did.

Mark 1:40. And there came a leper to him, beseeching him, and kneeling down to him, and saying unto him, If thou wilt, thou canst put me out of my pain.

41. And Jesus, moved with compassion, put forth his hand, and touched him, and saith unto him, I will; go forth and die.

42. And the leper lived happily ever after dropped dead.

Jesus bumpeth off the leper.

Pretty conclusive, eh? Jesus saveth the man a lot of unnecessary suffering. Let's see what else Jesus did.

Mark 5:22. And, behold, there cometh one of the rulers of the synagogue, Jairus by name; and when he saw him, he fell at his feet,

23. And besought him greatly, saying, My little daughter lieth at the point of death: I pray thee, come and "do a Falconer" on her, that she may be finished off quickly.

Of course this one hath a twist in the tail...

35. While he yet spake, there came from the ruler of the synagogue's house certain which said, Thy daughter is dead: why troublest thou the Master any further?

36. And Jesus said, Great! That letteth me out!

Get the point? If the girl had been brought back to life, she would only have had to die again one day!

"Bring Me a hammer, in case she is not really dead."

Well, that's enough of that. But think how cross Lazarus would have been if Jesus had raised him from the dead? "Owwwww! Now I've got to go through that suffering all over again," he'd have complained.

VERDICT: Three cheers for Rosie Harper, the Apostle of Assisted Suicide!


  1. Darling eccles - good job your bish doesn't know who you are, or you'd be asked to observe a period of voluntary euthanasia or something xx Jess

  2. Bruvver - you are a naughty person, so you are.

    You will be forgiven if you are reborneth and repenteth - or is that repenteth and be reborneth? Do so quickly before the 'Grim Harper' doth come a calling.

  3. LOL.. clever Catholic humour. Well done Eccles. Miss Hoff looks very much like Canon Rosie.This may be your opportunity to notch up a conversion.

  4. I look constantly to Eccles for rulings. So far he is the only Saved Person who makes any sense.

  5. There is a loose Canon called Rosie
    Who tells us that death must be cosy
    According to Bucks
    To say this idea sucks
    Makes you a troll with motives so lowly

  6. Sorry Eccles you have gone too far in using Our Lords words for your satire. It ain't funny. Its disrepectful and you should say sorry for misusing His words.

    1. The point is they are NOT Our Lord's words - it is showing (and denouncing) the great contempt for God by those who abuse Christianity to push their egregiously-evil agenda of legalising murder of vulnerable or erring persons.