An insensitive act of destruction.
Facing protestors, He explained, "With hindsight, some people may think that raining down fire from Heaven on Sodom and Gomorrah was a somewhat tactless way of treating the LBGT community. I particularly wish to apologise to Mr Lot for turning his wife into a pillar of salt, when all she was doing was 'rubber-necking'. Still, she made a great conversation piece."
He continued: "Nowadays, I realise that my role as Judge Eternal, Throned in Splendour could be regarded as controversial. I can reassure the American Episcopalians that I shall attempt to regard them in a more tolerant and sympathetic light from now on, and there will be no punishment for them in this world. Why, I'll even drop some 'gay manna' from Heaven, if they insist."
Gay manna.
God the Son was equally contrite. "When I said that marriage could only take place between a man and a woman, I made this comment in haste, without consulting Giles Fraser first. Although it is a self-evident truth, and I do still believe it, I feel that I may have been a little insensitive to mention it."
The Holy Spirit joined in the apologies: "Inspiring Christian writers such as St Paul and St Jude to make homophobic comments was perhaps a little tactless. Good chaps, but they did get carried away sometimes. Still, compared with the Muslims, they were really rather tolerant!"
Archbishop Welby welcomed the Trinitarian apology, and recommended to the Anglican Communion that they continue worshipping God, "at least for the time being".
I hope now He will issue an apology for Exodus 22:18.
ReplyDeleteAre we now to understand that Worshipping God is "an Optional Memorial, of The Fourth Class, in Year C (if the Year contains two Months containing the letter "L") ?"
ReplyDeleteI see they're following the fine example of the Bishop of Rome, in imitating his forgiveness of Jesus, which also took place this month on the (Ordinary) Feast of the Holy Family. 2016 is off to a rollicking start! It must be due to the Year of Mercy (TM).
ReplyDeleteGod Inc. also apologise for referring to the Irish Referendum on Gay Marriage as 'Sodom and Beggora'
ReplyDeletePress statement: “We have been carefully working through these issues with God to try to understand how this has happened. The public can rest assured that lessons have been learned, and that procedures have been fully reviewed and tightened up to ensure that no-one else ever has to suffer this injustice. God is currently suspended from His duties but no decision has yet been taken as to whether disciplinary action is appropriate. Thank you”.
ReplyDeleteAnd here was I feeling quite happy that Hell was filling up and that maybe there wouldn't be room for me!
ReplyDelete"Room for one more." Move down the bus, please.
DeleteGod needs to apologize for making rainbows because I'm sick of seeing them everywhere.
ReplyDelete