O Lord our Governor, But not Supreme Governor, as that's the Queen, We thank You for the life of King Henry VIII; For his inspiring model as a loving King and Husband, Divorced, Beheaded, Died, Divorced, Beheaded, Survived: May we all aspire to such an achievement.
All Catholics venerate this man.
We give thanks for the martrydom of St Thomas More, Who probably enjoyed the experience. And the same goes for St John Fisher. Also for the dissolution of the monasteries, Which encouraged the monks to die off, or to get proper jobs. An act that gave us so many charming National Trust properties to visit, When we have nothing to do on Sundays.
Cardinal Koch with a new disposable edition of the Bible.
In a spirit of ecumenism, we also give thanks for the mass slaughter, Given to us by thy servants, Edward VI, Mary I and Elizabeth I, For the wonder that was the Tudors, if You'll excuse the pun. Although in those days they didn't realise than burning people Might lead to climate change. Still, they knew that they were doing Your will By killing off all the people who actually believed in something. A policy not needed these days, at least not in Europe!
Martin Luther - founder of modern Catholicism.
We also give thanks for the wisdom of Martin Luther. He had many good qualities, not least a really cool hat. Also when he called the Pope a "pompous toad with smelly feet", He was merely leading the way to modern theological debate. You should hear what they say about Pope Francis, Although, being God, You may already know. Well, there You are then!
Thank God for the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith!
Finally we give thanks for the effects of the Reformation throughout Europe. Many were driven into exile or were blessed with martyrdom; Which can't be bad, can it? And, as the Anglican Communion falls apart before our eyes, We pray for new schisms. BLOOD! CUT! KILL! SLAUGHTER! Although please spare comedians such as Giles Fraser. Amen.
Two Catholic priests discuss the new prayers.