This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

De Voyage of St Eccles, Chapter 3

1. And an Angle spake unto Eccles, saying, "Dis sagga of thine is taking a long time to finish off. Thou willst miss the deadline for de new editoin of de Bibble."

2. "What is I to do?" asked Eccles. "De love life of mine Ant is too complex to be resolved so easily."

3. "Perhaps thou couldst rewrite it for de new editoin of de Korran?" said de Angle. "It could be de story of Anti Mullah, wot goes to Mecka to find de Imam El-Pell. If thou dressest thine Anti in a Burker, den she will not frighten de children so much."

Muslim Anti Moly

Moly-ben-Dite as she ain't often seen

4. "Nay," saith Eccles. "For I doesnt fink de Musslims is saved. Anyway, strong drink is condemned by Isslam, and my Anti cannot do wivvout it. We will continue as we has started." And it was so.

 5. So she that is called Moly-ben-Dite saith unto de blessed Eccles, "Let us attend the service dat mine beloved Goerge doth conduct for de Easter Viggil. Perchance, Eccles, we couldst disgiuse ourselves as alter servers, dat we may carry de candels into de Cathedral? Den, at de crittical moment, I may hit mine belloved over de head wiv de Pascal Candel, and screem 'Libbertine! Don Jaun! Cassanover! Nick Cleg!'" And she nameth some of de gratest lovers in history.

6. And it was so. De blessed Eccles and his somewhat less blessed Anti didst robe demselves in de white graments of holliness.

7. And dere came a grate processoin into de Cathedral of Sidney. Dere was de famuous Monsinger Rolf Harris, de Dame Edna Average (wot aint reely a woman, so it's OK), even de famous Spin Blower, Farver Shane Worn. All was dressed in de white graments of holliness.

Farver Shane givvin de blessin

8. And in de processoin was concealed Eccles and Moly.

9. And Cradinal Pell spake unto de mulltitudes, sayin, "G'day, cobbers, here we got de Pascal Candel, cos it's Easter. Cor, chase my pet wombat up a coolibar tree, it's dat crazy woman from Pottymouth..."

10. And Lo, Moly hurled de Pascal Candel at de Cradinal, dat it might come to pass wot was written in de book of Relevatoin Chapter 2, Verse 5, I come to thee, and will move thy candlestick out of its place, except thou do penance.


A dangerous waepon in de wrong hands

11. And de costume holly man fled at de sihgt of de wrathful old lady, sayin, "Canst thou direct me to de nearest billybong?"

12. For in the days of his youth, so men say, he had fled de pursuin hag by jumpin into de billybong, where no man durst follow.

13. And Eccles said unto his Anti, "Let us deppart from hence and return to Pottymouth. Dem Cathlics aint to be trusted, anyways." So they departed.

14. Here endeth de book of de voyage of St Eccles.


  1. This story could explain why Cardinal Pell was so keen to escape to the relative safety of a televised debate with Richard Dawkins. It could also explain why he favours the theory that we are descended in part from Neanderthals.

  2. Seeing the idiot grin on the face of the self-satisfied Dawkins, one can only despair that the Church puts up clowns like Pell on a platform against this slimy bastard. He is the big time media equivalent of the small-time atheist wind-up merchants on the DT blog: just because biology is different from religion, let's show how it proves religion is wrong. Pathetic load of baloney!

    I have never doubted Darwin and his theories have nothing whatsoever to do with my traditional Catholic religion. By golly, there are some nutters out there!

  3. Darling Eccles, you have almost hit the 25 thousand mark! There should be a very special celebration. I'm now very wary to suggest anything, but I wish the claquers would turn up at the late Damian's Blog to mark such great event. Love & XXX

  4. 25,ooo aint bad, Liusa, and dey can't all be de rabit, can dey? It must be a lotta people who says to demselves "I feel like bein saved, so I will look at bruvver Eccles's blogg, to see how it is done."