This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday, 6 July 2012

Bad Hymns 6

Today's entry for the Eccles Bad Hymn Award is Follow me, by Michael Cockett, another totally inappropriate hymn that has found itself into the Kevin Mayhew book of Vogon poetry Hymns for Hippies.

E: Michael Cockett, good to see you. Did you have a good journey here?

MC: Not entirely, Eccles, I had this uncanny feeling that someone was following me.

Follow me

Monsieur, I was told to follow you

E: Never mind, I'm sure there's a rational explanation. Now in your hymn you seem to have copied and pasted huge swathes of Jesus's words, without worrying too much about the context.

MC: We've had a few complaints about that, Eccles. Lots of people have been going out to buy fishing-nets and boats just so that they could leave them upon the shore.

E: Yes, and then your friends removed them and sold them at car boot sales, eh?

MC: That's a vicious lie, Eccles!


For sale, to a good home

E: Now one thing you make people sing is The foxes have their holes and the swallows have their nests. Very true, I'm sure, but is it really the sort of thing that should be put into a hymn?

MC: But Jesus said it, so it must be worth singing! And it's organic!

E: So would you also sing Ye brood of vipers, who hath shewed you to flee from the wrath to come?

MC: Great idea, Eccles. How about: You are vipers, you are vipers, You did not dance unto the pipers? Matthew 11 and 12, you see.

Charming snakes

A priest having trouble with his congregation

E: You are vipers, you are vipers, Your car's lost its windscreen wipers? No, perhaps not.

MC: So, am I in contention for the Eccles Bad Hymn Award?

E: Well, maybe. But for real star quality you really want silly words, not just words that aren't suitable for singing. We'll let you know.

MC: Thanks. I'll be off now. By the way, don't forget to "follow me" on Twitter.


  1. Ello, ello, ello. Does Eccles have permission to use the copyright image of Inspecteur Cluteau? And is the "Priest having trouble with his congregation" really Bob Diamond with a false moustache, trying to throw the Parliamentary committee off the trail?

    I think we should be told.

  2. Is that Inspecteur Cluteau? I thought it was Zach, stalking traddie priests to ensure their church noticeboards comply with safeguarding legislation.

  3. Michael Cockett? You're making that up.

    1. Nope, dat's de chap wot wrote de words. Here it is if you wants to jion in:

  4. Can it be coincidence that your next post is all about the great chicken expert?