The Mormons are addicted to cupcakes, which is why Archbishop Mennini required a specially reinforced piano stool.
The chattering classes
The luvvies of Silicon Roundabout
Societies that believe in Hell
Left-wing, T-shirt-wearing nuns
Countless millions of computer addicts
The middle classes in Hyderabad
The overeducated American elite
Teenagers at a school in Xiaogong, central China
Several gay Hollywood stars
Members of Alcoholics Anonymous
wield immense influence in Hollywood,
are extremely interested in money,
could never be part of the Church of England,
are keen on assisted suicide,
value their subsidised office spaces in east London,
would never be invited on Thought for the Day,
could enter an Andrea Dworkin lookalike contest,
self-medicate with sugary snacks,
are following the IV Drip Diet,
are snorting their ADHD medication,
have discovered party drugs,
are taken out of the local gene pool,
are anxious to join the Ordinariate,
would never visit old people in care homes,
might consider submitting to Pope Michael of Delia, Kansas,
are addicted to cupcakes,
Opus Dei could could enter an Andrea Dworkin lookalike contest, although Noele Gordon wandered naked into the showers at my health club.
which is why
L. Ron Hubbard
Dr Rowan Williams
Sir Paul McCartney
Mrs Gladys Mills
The Prince of Wales
Canon Brian Brindley
was known for being seriously overweight.
dabbled in the occult.
comes across as a ranting lefty.
acquired a reputation as a self-regarding young windbag.
secretly supported gay marriage.
wandered naked into the showers at my health club.
is the sort of person who would say "an hotel."
should not work for the BBC.
captures the English spirit with unmatched subtlety.
could promote clever, holy traditionalists.
drank too much whisky and attempted to dance with a 70-year-old lady.
bought aubergine hair-dye from a lesbian collective farm in Northern California.
wrote a set of piano variations on God Save the King.
never obtained a doctorate from the LSE.
should never be introduced as "Your highness."
had an indestructible perm.
required a specially reinforced piano stool.
took claret fortified with Scotch whisky.
wrote a Te Deum to celebrate Louis XIV’s victory against the English and Dutch.
supported the vandalism of GM crops.
poured Bird's Custard over a plateful of chips.
The luvvies of Silicon Roundabout are snorting their ADHD medication, but Edward Elgar bought aubergine hair-dye from a lesbian collective farm in Northern California.