Christina Rossetti, on learning that she needs to rewrite her hymn.
E: So, Miss Rossetti, there are a few problems with this hymn. The first verse, for example, is probably not historically correct: Christ was almost certainly not born in midwinter, and the weather was mild enough for shepherds to abide in the fields all night.
C: O Eccles, you're not going to make me sacrifice such a poetic verse? I could rewrite it I suppose:
It was quite a nice day, Not too hot or cold, They had lovely weather In the days of old.E: Yes, it's a pity we couldn't have kept the "frosty wind made moan" bit, and all joined in with a chorus of "Moan moan moan," but historical accuracy is more important. Perhaps you could make the song a bit more dramatic?
C: I thought of continuing:
Rain had fallen, rain on rain, Rain on rain, But the shepherd's clothes were Drying out again.
It's a man's life in the sheep-farming industry.
E: Yes, that's fine. Now you have several verses about mangers, oxen, asses, even camels...
C: Camels are not really midwinter animals, I know. I thought of making them yetis instead. Are yetis Biblical? I suppose not.
A yeti reacts angrily to being told that it is not Biblical.
E: Well, we've got rid of the midwinter theme, anyway. Let's move on to the last verse, which is all about giving Christmas presents.
C: "If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb."
E: Yes, and "If I were a wise man, I would do my part." What is this mysterious "part?"
C: I was stuck for a rhyme for "heart," there, Eccles.
E: Now, it's good that the last verse is about us - that's the guiding spirit behind modern hymns - so let's see if we can make it even more egotistical, with a verse about Christmas shopping.
C: I have it:
I've been Christmas shopping, poor as I am: For my auntie Jane, a year's supply of spam.
For my uncle Fred, a tasty rhubarb tart...
And for dear old Gran a piece of modern art.
E: Christina Rossetti, thank you very much. They'll be singing this version in all the churches this Christmas, I have no doubt about it.
Earlier masterclasses: John Henry Newman King David Charles Wesley
Poor Christina. No comments yet. Your namesake on the DT had the same problem till recently when she did a post on the Dawkins, and got over 2500 comments.
ReplyDeletePerhaps your next hymn could reflect the atheist viewpoint?
I'm thinking something along the lines of Goblin Market, but with priests instead of goblins.
She's a luvvly lady, but a bit too high-brow for some tastes. Gettin more hits with Dawkins and Dr Who right now.
DeleteIt's true we aint had any good athiest hymns yet...
The Marsellaise and The Internationale come pretty close, but they are foreign. Nothing home grown yet. hmm. I suppose you could have
ReplyDeleteAll things Bright and beautiful
All creatures great and small
All things wise and wonderful
Mutation made them all.