This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Friday, 25 April 2014

Are you a bat-like Christian?

Time for a little spiritual nourishment.

Pope Francis has said that there are many "funeral" Christians who are afraid of the joy of the Resurrection; instead, they are "Christian bats" who prefer the shadows to the light of the presence of the Lord.

Dracula

I admit it, I am somewhat bat-like.

The thought will no doubt have struck many of our readers: am I a bat? Here are a few tell-tale signs:

1. Do you emit high-pitched squeaks (and we don't just mean the 
"music" of Paul Inwood)?
2. Do you sleep hanging upside-down in a shed (or a cave)?
3. Do you like eating insects?
If you can answer NO to all these questions, you are probably not a bat. You may still be a self-absorbed Promethean neo-pelagian, but at least you don't scare passers-by after dark.

Batman and Robin

Holy Pepinsters, Batman! We're late for Mass!

Pope Francis has also given us an Argentine proverb: When you get burnt by boiling milk, later when you see a cow you start crying. Fortunately, this is not an ex cathedra statement (although it may have more authority than a telephone call to a confused old bat lady). However, just in case it applies in your case, we apologise for making you cry with the following picture. Think of it as necessary therapy.

cow

If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.

10 comments:

  1. Darling eccles - do you think the Pope will get round to calling us all in time, or was it a wrong number he got while trying to phone his newsagent to canel the Tablet? xx Jess

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    1. He told me it was OK to poison Anti Moly. At least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

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    2. Given her penchant for Gin and toilet duck cocktails, I don't think you will need to bother.

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  2. Novus ordoites are bats: look at most of their crazy liturgies.

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  3. Paula N Wood composed a lovely bat hymn for animal Masses - "Fangsgiving for the Flight".

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  4. At the moment hanging upside down somewhere quiet and dark seems like a good option for a Catholic.

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  5. Come to think of it, I do like eating prawns which are a bit like marine insects, and I do hang out in sheds a lot - particularly in winter. Maybe he has a point - fangs for the heads-up.

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  6. Philippa: "Listen to them. The children of the night. What sweet music they make."

    Awful Parish [singing]: "Come as you are, that's how I want you ..."

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  7. they've stopped waving their arms about at my church. I count that a victory for us bats. Ooh I do love a good funeral.

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  8. I'm not sure I know what a "bat-like Christian" is - but they seem to be in some very good company!!

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