Protect the Bishop!

Following the closure of the Protect the Pope blog on the orders of Bishop Michael Campbell, many orthodox Catholics are extremely angry, using phrases such as "dimwitted bully", "what's he got to hide?", "puppet of the Magic Circle" and "who made this clueless old goat a bishop?"

Note that Deacon Donnelly maintains a dignified silence.

This blog refuses to go along with such criticism, arguing that bishops are always right, even when they're wrong. So we are launching Protect the Bishop, a website which aims to support our bishops in those difficult decisions such as: should I be a wise shepherd of my flock, supporting my priests and deacons when they are faithful Catholics loyal to the Magisterium of the Church, or should I act like a power-crazed loony knowing that Rome is a long way away and nobody will do anything about it?

Did you want the sheep on the right and the goats on the left, or vice-versa?

We can see where Deacon Donnelly went wrong. Why couldn't he have simply written a nice, boring, everything-in-the-garden-is-wonderful blog, similar to Bishop Campbell's, which is not expected to be shut down? It could have had lots of pictures of Bishop Campbell in it, doing all the wonderful things bishops do when there's a photographer handy. Take a few tips from the brilliant prose of your bishop!

The Reading is taken from Protect the Pope. Hang on a minute...

Dear Diary. On Holy Thursday we had the Chrism Mass, attended by all the devoted priests of the diocese. When I came outside I found that one of my clergy had kindly left a leaflet about retirement homes for bishops at my house - well, in fact it was thrown through the window attached to a brick, but it's the thought that counts! But I'm only 72, and I intend to carry on until people say I'm no longer able to do the job properly.

Later, I washed my feet, because that's what bishops do on Holy Thursday. I also heard some Confessions: one of the most shocking was someone who admitted to owning a computer! For those who don't know what these are, they are engines possessed by demons, and only to be used by people of the rank of Bishop or higher.

The Magic Circle: an ACTA representative prepares for a non-liturgical service.

On Easter Day - now this'll surprise you - we celebrated the Resurrection. As a bishop I explained in my homily whose Resurrection it was: it's one of those obscure facts that I learnt for my become-a-bishop exam. When they woke up at the end the congregation were all impressed by my episcopal erudition.

Yes, that's the sort of hard-hitting blog we expect to see in the Lancaster diocese.

A turbulent priest is punished for blogging too frankly.

So, building on an idea of Richard Waghorne, we feel that we should mark the bishop's courageous gagging of a turbulent deacon by loudly singing Shine, Jesus, Shine in celebration. But please, not outside Campbell Towers at 4 a.m.

Protect the Bishop tee-shirts are now available in a full range of liturgically-appropriate colours, suitable to be worn by altar-servers.