Q. Do you turn to Bill Gates? Do you worship Windows? Do you regard the blue screen of death as a promise of future life?
A. We sure do. What's more, when we get "program not responding" messages we shall not ask ourselves "just what the Hell is the computer doing, instead of what it was designed for?" We shall have faith in the eventual resurrection of Windows.
A believer in eternal life
Q. Do you renounce Chick-fil-A and all its works? Do you promise never to eat another chicken sandwich? (Here he may take a chicken sandwich and jump on it, shouting "Evil!")
A. We promise this. How dare they talk about "traditional" values? We're really cross! (Here the congregation may stamp its feet or give a petulant flounce, as the minister may direct.) From now on, it's Colonel "Muriel" Sanders all the way!
Diabolical symbols denoting infinite evil
Q. Do you praise and worship the Henson Corporation? Do you believe in Kermit our Lord, Piggy our Lady, and their only son Ed?
A: We believe in them. Lovely boy, Ed. Hasn't he got his father's eyes?
Lookalike: our Lord Kermit and his son Ed