This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 26 August 2012

Parish of St Daryl the Apostate

Father Arthur writes:

REINTERPRETING ST PAUL. Today's epistle of St Paul to the Ephesians is a challenge to us, isn't it? How can St Paul's words "Wives should be subject to their husbands as to the Lord" possibly apply in the 21st century?

Of course, what Paul really meant was that one member of each married couple should be designated the "husband," while the other should be designated the "wife." It is not necessary for the husband to be male, nor the wife to be female. Indeed, in our modern world, where couples may be same-sex, transgendered, or "don't-know," it is important to escape from sexual stereotyping. St Paul, although he suffered from the disadvantage of living in a world where access to birth-control, abortion and pornography were severely limited, would certainly have agreed that this is the only way to go.

The blessed Sally Bercow

In our family, I'm the one who wears the trousers.

FREE MASS ON. This week, St Daryl's was pleased to welcome our Masonic brethren for a truly ecumenical Mass. Although, technically the Vatican has shown a slight disapproval of freemasonry in the past, as in Pope Ignitus's frankly-worded Encyclical De Masone Comburendo, we freely admit that we at St Daryl's are in the vanguard when it comes to liberal thinking. We all had a great time at the "Free Mass," especially when I said "roll up your trouser legs" and the congregation replied "we roll them up unto the Lord." Moreoever, the "funny handshake of peace" with our neighbours was another innovation that we may well use again in future weeks.

Freemason Mass

Masons - helping us to build bridges.

PUSSY RIOTS. Likewise, we at St Daryl's are showing our support for the so-called "Pussy Riot" girls, who attempted to bring the fresh air of liberalism into the stuffy old Orthodox church. We are making a humble gesture of solidarity with these heroic rebels against misogyny, capitalism and (Fr Pau, please find out what they were actually demonstrating against and fill in something here. Thanks) as this photo, taken before Sunday's Mass, indicates.

Pussy altar-servers

Our altar-servers, in their new vestments, waiting for "kick-off."

ST DARYL'S CAR PARK. In this era, when the main spiritual issues that concern us are global warming, climate change, the melting of the ice caps, and the extinction of fluffy polar bears, it is obviously unreasonable for us to come to church by car (Michael Mann, our churchwarden, has done a statistical analysis and says that every time a car parks at St Daryl's a fairy dies). Therefore, we have begun work to convert the church car park into a bus station, complete with a fast food outlet, newsagent's and "gay" bar (all profits to church funds). Unfortunately, this has necessitated the demolition of our shrine to the blessed St Daryl, but we must all make sacrifices in the name of progress.

Bus to Mass

The environmentally friendly way to travel to Mass.

LATELY DEAD. Keir Bertrand Russell Lenin Jones, age 85. Stanley Baldwin Kitchener Allenby Robinson, age 94. (Miss) Laurel Hardy Chaplin Groucho Brown, age 83.

RECENT BAPTISMS. David Harper Seven United Smith. Gaga Beyoncé Wilson. Julian Assange Ecuador Asil Nadir Taylor.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY. Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. 2 Kings 2:23.

9 comments:

  1. darling eccles, will they all be going to that nice day at the Mosque which is being advertised on Damain's blogg? xx Jess

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    1. Ullo, Jess, I expects so, but you will need to ask Daryl, or Phil, or one of dere sockpoppets.

      I is tryin to convert Anti Moly to Ilsam, as I fink she would be imporved wiv a bag over her head and no gin, but I aint gettin very far.

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    2. darling eccles, maybe you should leave a copy of phil's advert lying around, but say you don't think she'll be interested because she won't want the djinn that's there? That could be the way to get her there? xx Jess

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  2. Those masonic aprons are clearly sponsored by Gmail.

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    1. You have found another conpiracy methinks xx Jess

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  3. Congratulations on passing another milestone, Your Savedness! Fifty thousand tottal pageveiws and rising. Just think how many saved people that represents. (It can't be one saved person – Bosco, perhaps – viewing 50,000 times, can it?)

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    1. I is very greatful to my loyyal readers, some of which has come back more than once. Of cuorse my gratest fans are Bosco, Anti Moly, and Damain.

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  4. Thank you Bruvver Eccles for the luvly picture of the French priest and his donkey, now added to my donkey blogue. http://brotherlapin.wordpress.com/2012/08/28/priest-pilgrim-with-his-donkey

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    1. My plaesure, bruvver Lapin. I aint an expert on donkeys, but I knew you'd apprecaite dis.

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