This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday 4 September 2012

Catherine Popehater writes

The Editor of the Tabloid comic explains how Cardinal Spartini was right to challenge the Catholic Church's conservatism.


Catherine Popehater

Catherine Popehater

Cardinal Spartini, who died recently, has denounced the Catholic church in no uncertain terms. In a message from beyond the grave he tells us: Having a lovely time. Wish you were here. Weather wonderful, hope I don't have to go anywhere hotter. That horrible imposter Pope Benedict has paid tribute to Spartini, the man who should really have been Pope, in the words, "Ach, I'll miss old 'Bonkers' Spartini. Man was a loony liberal, of course, but he was very kind to his white cat."

If the conclave of 2005 had gone the way it should have done, Spartini would have been Pope, and the Catholic church would have been able to undo some of the worst excesses of the John-Paul II years, such as the Fall of the Berlin Wall, and the Collapse of Communism.

Berlin Wall

The Berlin Wall. Its demolition was never authorized by the Vatican II documents.

Spartini was a keen champion of liberalism, and felt that the Catholic church should change its attitudes on contraception, divorce, gay marriage and prostitution. My own mother was aware of these issues: when I was a child she would look sadly at me and say "Catherine, if only I had been allowed to use contraception!" Vatican II implicitly enjoined us to ordain lesbian prostitutes, and this was swept under the carpet by traditionalists trying to take us back to the dark ages, when people such as Christ, Peter and Paul were preaching their out-of-date doctrines.

If Spartini had become Pope we should now be seeing a more liberal Catholic church, ready to ordain a woman Pope, ending discrimination against people on the grounds of sexuality or religious belief. I would have faced fierce competition from Polly Toynbee and Harriet Harman, but I am sure that in the end I would have been elected Pope in spite of my mildly pro-Catholic views.

Female cardinals?

Why are these ladies not allowed to be cardinals?

What do we see in the modern Catholic church? A return to outmoded forms of worship where the use of ancient words such as "Gloria," "Alleluia" and "Amen" - words incomprehensible to most of us - is encouraged. The reading of outdated books such as the Bible, rather than Das Kapital or The God Delusion. No wonder Spartini was horrified.

Still, it's not all bad. The Catholic church maintains its traditional opposition to murder, and I think most of those present at Vatican II were happy to accept this. But the ideal Spartini legacy would be for the Catholic church to help with the rebuilding of the Berlin Wall, and to fight for the collapse of capitalism.

13 comments:

  1. Yes. Very droll, very witty.
    Now tell me how I can get back to DT so I can advertise your blog as I always have done.
    Can't use another ID because can't re-register.
    No reply to the email.
    Do you really want to lose my contributions which have sparked debate if nothing else?
    With the Church in decline you give more power to the atheists if you do not give me some clue how to get round the technology.
    I could buy another laptop but even I am not THAT addicted to DT blogging.
    Please, pretty please...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dunno. Clear the cache, register a new username with a different e-mail address? Sometimes it works.
      Ecclesiastes.

      Delete
  2. For the attention of jadis

    For changes at the Holy Name Google Salford Diocese. Link won't paste here.



    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh no . A scouser in a suit and tie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Looks like a stitch up by Brain Drain. No change there, then.

      Delete
  4. Well I seem to be blocked from DT's blog now, as well. Not entirely sure what I am supposed to have done. Sandals... dust...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Posted something on not-Damian's-blog, so I'm seemingly unaffected by this latest house-to-house search to find any dissenters to Modernism hiding under the floor boards...

      Delete
    2. I seem to have escaped so far as well,but I stayed logged in, which might explain it.

      Delete
    3. I was blocked many years ago although successfully posed as Bishop Richard Williamson for a short time afterwards. The most famous member of the "Salon des Refusés" is unquestionably the philosemite Mundabor whose own effusion merrily continues from bad to worse.

      Delete
  5. I haven't tried logging in there, but if you chaps aren't there, there's no point xx Jess

    ReplyDelete
  6. DT's blog is moribund without anyone posting.

    Perhaps we should let it die in peace?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Shoulden't that be 'Harriet Harperson'...?

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    Replies
    1. Dat would be too sutble for me, Bruvver Anon.

      Delete