This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 4 February 2013

Remains identified as Richard



Scientists have confirmed that the skeleton found in a car park in Leicester is indeed that of the veteran Christian singer, Cliff Richard (born 1452). They commented that the skeleton was in very good condition, and that identification became easier when they heard it trying to sing Congratulations. It then apologised for its somewhat croaking voice, saying "I'm hoarse, I'm hoarse, my singing's rather hoarse!"

Until the positive identification was made, there were many other theories about the identity of the skeleton. One of the most bizarre was that it might be the even-more-veteran Catholic bore, Basil Loftus, sole architect of Vatican II, who is now generally regarded as a poor old fossil.


The Loftus Monster.

However, "Lofty," as he is known to his friends, has recently been located somewhere near Loch Ness, where he provides an attraction for tourists who cannot quite believe in the existence of the Loftus Monster.

Although the identification of Richard's bones is an event of great historical importance, it seems unfortunately to have been overshadowed today by the story of Chris Huhne, an MP who has admitted to perverting the course of justice by trying to dodge a speeding conviction. And now he is history as well.

Chris Huhne

Chris Huhne.


  1. Why do you bloggers continually peresecute Mgr Basil?

    He has done so much to make the Catholic Church relevant to the readership of the Catholic Times, which certainly isn't a money laundering scheme.

    His Christmas cards to his former Leeds patishioners, often accompanied by a letter by his solicitor partner brought misery to several.

    1. Partner? Of the Scottish Country Dancing variety, I trust.

  2. It was in Leicester that my late father, as a curate in the 1950s, was deputed to take the church youth club to see Cliff Richard. His young charges became so excited that they smashed up the theatre, breaking my father's arm. It was never quite right again. During the previous decade, Rommel, Mussolini and the Irgun had all failed to injure him as the future Sir Cliff was to manage.

  3. Darling eccles, my predictive text keeps writing Richard ill - it knows something we don't! Thank you for your nice tweets about my blogg - you are a tweety pie xx.

  4. Mr. David Linsay, I'm very sorry about your father's arm,and I'm really glad those others' didn't get him. Now I had forgot all about Mr. Richard. It's too bad he got overshadowed.Now everybody will probably forget all about him again. But the King.. Now that's a different story. He belongs to Us and and THEY had better not trifle with Us on THIS ONE !