This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Our experts explain marriage

Iain Dull

Iain Dull, the world's silliest blogger.

The Government has said that it is a priority to extend equal marriage to West Ham supporters such as myself, all of whom are currently either born out of wedlock or biologically engineered from "normal" human beings. Do you know that I was the first openly West Ham supporting person to stand for parliament in North Norfolk? Of course, being generally regarded as an obnoxious bore, I didn't stand a chance, but it was still a significant blow for equal marriage. Anyway, I am now going to spam e-mail every single MP with my views - they are bound to listen to a failed politician.

By the way, I don't normally mention such personal things, but I have also been gay from birth (unlike most kids, who don't worry about such things before they are teenagers). Here is an early heart-throb of mine - how I fantasised about pulling him from his flower-pot and ravishing him!

Bill or Ben

Bill (or Ben) - a sex symbol for precocious toddlers.

Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling, Justice Secretary.

What we need is a change in social attitudes to allow more smacking. I was smacked as a child and it never did me any permanent harm, except in making me a supporter of David Cameron. And I smack my kids. And I'm going to smack anyone who refuses to support the Gay Marriage Bill. Why do you think we employ people called "Whips"?

What we need is a change in social attitudes. Out goes "right and wrong," and in comes "smack smack."


My old headmaster - made me the man I am today.

Polly Toynbee

Polly Toynbee, atheist, journalist and clown.

All religious opposition to gay marriage is based on bigotry. I'll say it again: bigots, bigots, bigots. Christ was a bigot. The Pope's a bigot. Everyone's a bigot.

Look, the book of Genesis said that it was wrong to eat apples, and we don't find that a problem these days. So why should we take any notice of Christ's views on marriage? Bigot, bigot, bigot.

If Christians really took the Bible seriously, they would refuse to use washing-machines as sex objects, wouldn't they? But according to a Guardian poll, 85% of Catholics own a washing-machine (and why not? I own six in my various houses). Bigots, bigots, bigots.

Washing machine

A washing-machine, probably after a night of passion with a bigoted Catholic.


  1. I am surprised that dear Tina's wonderful clear-minded "catholic" (hrm hrm !!!) defence of "gay marriage" [sic] as a wonderful new doctrine to be added to the "deposit" of "the faith" (and nyah nyah nyah to that old Ratzinger person) didn't make the final cut ...

    Don't you even *read* The Guardian newspaper ? What a fossilised old bronze-age goatherd relic of the Dark Ages prior to the invention of the contraceptive pill you must be, Eccles !!!

  2. Um, Jabba, I has blogged quite a lot about luvvly Tina in the past. Apart from de Tablit I is de only one wot pubblishes her views. Givin some uvver clowns a chance dis time.

    1. Tina's suffering at the hands of bigoted Catholic traditionalist has led to a website being set up to defend her challenging views. Protect the Pap, I think it is called.

  3. I is also suprisd that you isn't commentaryd yet on the deep spiritaul nuorishment cookeryd up by your big bruvver over on Jessyca Rabit's famuos luvvly blogg !!!

  4. Your bruvver says I is using de sam good spelling as you is, der Eccles.

    What a bad influence u is on the weak intellygences what is not folowering de lmab !!!

    But why is ur big bruvver luaffing at I lik dat, and saying I is "bustd" and saying dat I is U ???

    Wot does dis mean, Eccles ?

    I hope dat u can provides I wiv som spiritaul insite into dis conumdrum !!

  5. darling eccles, Dale is a wonderful man if you are a Lib Dem, he turned a Lib Dem majority of only 500 into one of over 10,000 - clearly a man to whom Tories to should listen -if they also want to lose xx Jess

  6. Polly and the west of 'em is jus so dumb.Christians don't use washin' machines as sex objects. They use 'em to wash sex away. Jus so dumb.....Jus one more thing. Eccles I don't think you should be your bruvver's keeper Any!more.

    Whale and herring great friends , everywhere together , pubs, football, etc, one day herring turns up alone , other fishes all say where's yer mate the whale, herring replies all nonch, Am I my blubber's kipper?