Dis is me, Eccles

Dis is me, Eccles
Dis is me, Eccles

Sunday, 24 February 2013

Eccles in the desert

Since it is Lent, I aint been bloggin during de week, cos I went out into de dessert to meditate on wot it means to be saved, and only came back on Sunday to get some clean socks. Soon I is gonna go to Rome and attend de conclave of cradinals wot is votin for a new Pop: I gotta luvvly red hat so I shuold be able to sneak in OK.

Cardinal Eccles

Cradinal Eccles.

I was hopin to go into de dessert alone, but two famuous comic characters wot is reggulars on dis blogg decided to come along too. First dere was my dere Anti Moly, who came laden wiv a big rucksack. "Wot is you carryin, Anti dere?" I asked.

"Rocks," replied my dere relative.

"But dey got rocks in de dessert," I explaned pateintly. "Dey doesn't need any more."

"Not dis sort, you pathetic sockpoppet," she replied luvvingly.

Rocks gin

Anti Moly's Rocks.

De uvver one wot turned up was my freind Damain Thopmson, wot is called Holly Smock. I fink it was de word DESSERT wot attracted him, as he kept askin me strange questoins about whevver we would find lotsa custard out dere. I hope he aint gonna be disappointed. Anyways, it explanes why he aint written his usual blogg dis week.

Desserts

We is on de right road!

Dere aint many desserts near Notting Hell, so we looked for a spiritaul wasteland instead, and ended up in Croydon. Dere I got tempted by de Devil, which is what normally happens to saved pussons. I aint gonna post a pitcher of the Devil, but he is a very charmin man wot is a Director of de Tablet.

Catherine Pepinster

De latest issue of de Tablet.

"OK, Eccles," said de Devil. "If you is saved, you gotta eat dem stones, as if dey was bread."

In fact dey was Anti Moly's rock cakes wot she had baked, in case she wanted some sollid food as well as de gin; but I was able to resist de temptatoin, havvin alreddy lost several teeth dat way in de past.

Molybdenite cake

One of my Anti's molybdenite cakes.

De second fing de Devil did was to take me to de top of a Cathlic church and told me to jump off. Dat's de sort of fing dat Anti Moly's been sayin to me for years, so I resisted dat temptatoin too, cos I know what happens next, you gets hurt.

Croydon church

De church wot I didn't jump off, in de spiritaul dessert.

In fact de third fing de Devil wanted me to do was to bow down and worship him, and dat's annuver fing I is used to bein asked, cos my freind Damain Thopmson is always beggin me to do dat. If I ever does it, he will let me write a blogg for de Telegraph, like his uvver acollytes. So I said no to the Devil, cos I doesnt want to write for de Tablet, either.

"Ho hum," said de Devil. "Eccles, you aint no fun. Perhaps you reely is a saved pusson after all."

After he'd gone, de rest of de week was pretty dull. My Anti Moly was naggin me day and night, sayin dat I gotta vote for Cradinal Pell in de conclave, as she was in luv wiv him about 50 years ago. Damain still aint given me any giudance on who to vote for, he says dat cradinals aint been no good since de days of his hero Cradinal Wolsey, wot could reely keep his bishops in order.

Cromwell, Henry VIII and Wolsey

Thomas Cromwell, Henry VIII and Cradinal Wolsey.

Well, I'll report again when I gets to Rome. Singed, Eccles (saved).

21 comments:

  1. darling eccles, it is very brave of you to come out from dessert before the coffee and mints are served. Yore bruvver is behavin very well and has his own rom in the 'Watchtower' - I fink bein away from anti-moli suits hi, xx Jess

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  2. Powerful stuff. Congrats on your twenty billion hits. When you get to Rome, please tell us how many deacons you see wearing birettas.

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  3. Planning any changes in the Vatican when you get elected Pope after you fool them all with you cunning red hat disguise?

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    1. Nope, but I will have to rename my blogg "De papal encyclical blogg."

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    2. Delighted you are planning to leave things as they are - it makes you a good candidate. But if you win, I think 'Pope (insert the name you take here) & Bosco is saved' would make a good name ... but that would be your (infallible) decision at that point ...

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  4. Well Eccles, as the number of Cardinals for the Conclave keeps decreasing - from 117 to 115 at last count - we’re ”a few Cardinals shy of a College” at the moment.

    So you can probably sneak in - if the Vatican abacus happens to be down when you arrive…

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    1. What Eccles needs to do is get their first ... & then whoever gets there last will be left outside ... it'll work: he has a hat ...

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    2. Oh dear, Bosco... Just when you were beginning to rejoin the world of civilised discourse on Jessica's blog, suddenly the old anti-Catholic ranting bigoted loony breaks out of the ecumenical tea party. Poor show.

      Have a custard cream and don't drop the crumbs on the carpet.

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    3. Im having too much fun. Everything ive said about that idolatrous religion is coming true. I cant leave yahoo news cause every 10 mins something else popps up about priests being exposed. Jolly good fun. What what? Cheerio, carry on Rabit. Hold the vatican flag high ol boy. Carry on.

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    4. I had to muddlerate Bosco's first comment, cos it was not worthy of a saved pusson. Sorry, bruvver.

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    5. Eccles, you are a weak pansie of a sick little monkey. Even calling you a monkey is doing a disservice to monkeys. i find myself having to apologize to all the monkeys in the world. Calling you a slime mold would be insulting all the fungus in the world.I never moderate anyone in my high and mighty site. Im not a scared whimpering wet little dog like you.

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    6. Dis "luv de nieghbour" stuff needs a little workin on, my dere bruvver.

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    7. How does a sick monkey have the time or energy to pick pansies?

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  5. The people we pick for ourselves are usually not as wonderful as the ones God picks for us, so, I think I'll pass on campaigning about who the new Pope should be, even if Bruvver is voting.

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  6. Phew, it's hard bein in de wilderness for Lent. So many grate topics I cuold be bloggin on right now, and I won't have much time on Sunday.

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  7. Can't you get a dispensation, Eccles? Or perhaps you can give your secretary, Ecclesiastes, a few ideas, and he can blog on your behalf. It seems a shame to be deprived of your intellectual acumen and deep spiritual insight at such a time.

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  8. You should make Lent a yr round thing Eccles.

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  9. Looking forward to the third Sunday in Lent :) xx

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    Replies
    1. Somefink tonite, I hope. Too busy doing uvver fings until then.

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