This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 17 February 2013

I've got a little list

With apologies to W.S. Gilbert.

Ko-ko

KO-KO

As some day it will happen that the guilty must be found,
I've got a little list — I've got a little list
Of the Vatican's opponents, who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!
There are atheists like Dawkins who is nothing but a clown
For his books contain the biggest heap of garbage written down -
There's big fat oafish Stephen Fry, who jokes on child abuse,
There must be some point to the man, he doesn't seem much use -
Malvolio

The natural choice to play a pompous, vain, self-loving fool.

Giles Fraser's slightly Christian, but he's far more Socialist -
He never would be missed — he never would be missed!
  
CHORUS

He's got 'em on the list — he's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed.

KO-KO

There are Catholic politicians, for whom party takes first place 
Like Iain Duncan Smith — I've got him on the list!
Then McLoughlin - known as Patrick - is another real disgrace -
He never would be missed — he never would be missed!
Paddy McLoughlin

Blah, blah, blah. Equal marriage. Blah blah blah.

Then the BBC's Ed Stourton speaks in sympathetic tone
Of all the little heresies and faiths except his own;
There's the lady from Roehampton, she who dresses like a guy,
She is sometimes banned from speaking, but she'd 
                                        'rather like to try';
And that singular anomaly, the lady Tabletist —
I don't think she'll be missed — I'm sure she'll not be missed!
Ma Pepinster

I don't think she'll be missed — I'm sure she'll not be missed!

 
CHORUS

He's got her on the list — he's got her on the list;
And I don't think she'll be missed — I'm sure she'll not be missed!

KO-KO

There are all those suspect clergy, who attack Pope Benedict,
The obsessive modernist — I've got him on the list!
Some gloomy deacons, comic priests and bishops (badly picked) —
They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed.
There's the German Prof. who wishes he could sit on Peter's throne,
So modest that he's got a six-foot statue of his own -
Hans Kung

O worship the Küng...

And apologetic bishops of a compromising kind,
Such as — Cormac... Whatsit, Kieran... Thingie, 
                                   and Crispian... Never-mind.
There are many who spout utter rot and blame it on Vat II -
The task of finding extra names I'd rather leave to you.
But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
For they'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed!

CHORUS

You may put 'em on the list — you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed!

20 comments:

  1. Ahem, and I hates to point dis out bruvver - but dat's quite a long list - still, for sure none of them wold be missed xx Jess

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  2. This prayer, fasting and almsgiving suits you, bruv!

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  3. On top form Bruvver. I agree with Ttony, Lent obviously agrees with you :-)

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  4. I get the feeling that Sundays in Lent are going to be days to look forward to.

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  5. I did enjoy this!

    Next Sunday: your riff on 'I am the very model of a modern Major-General'?

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  6. Thanks to all for kind comments. I did think of doing "modern Major-General" some time but I ain't yet got it to work.

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  7. oooh plees do Modern Major-General.

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  8. I hops dat U is keeping ur list on a peece of paper Eccles !!!

    I usd to have a list.

    It was on a peece of paper.

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  9. I'm sure W.S. Gilbert would be proud of you, Eccles!

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  10. Congratulations, darling Eccles!

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  11. "Then McLoughlin - known as Patrick - is another real disgrace - He never would be missed — he never would be missed!"

    Might I humbly point out that he is no relation?

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  12. Looking forward to the second Sunday in Lent, darling eccles xx Jess

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