This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Are you Romaphobic?

Today we deal with a frightening problem in the modern Catholic church - the fact that so many people hate the Tridentine Mass, hate anyone who wants to offer it, and hate those who wish to attend. Yes - this is romaphobic hate crime.


"Rumours of Satanic influence are definitely exaggerated."

It is difficult to understand romaphobia. Certainly there are people who prefer Masses in the Ordinary (vernacular) Form, and they don't all demand puppets, dancing bishops, or guitars. But your true romaphobe doesn't just want to make the OF available to those who prefer it, he or she actually tries to prevent the celebration of the EF.

In serious cases, the romaphobe also tries to suppress the new translation of the Mass, because it is too much like the traditional Latin liturgy. Try whispering "consubstantial" into the ear of a romaphobe deacon, and watch him scream!

Tablet woman

A Tablet journalist prepares a hatchet job on the Latin Mass.

The attitude of Pope Francis is still hard to determine. After a successful World Youth Day in Rio, he was buttonholed by journalists and spoke Ex Carpo (which may be translated as "Off the cuff" and is about as far from Ex Cathedra as you can get). It seemed that Pope Francis is still prepared to allow the ordination of Latin-speakers, especially since the Pope Emeritus is there to growl Summorum Pontificum at him.


They called it "JMJ", because the spirit of Jean-Michel Jarre rested upon it.

So, what is to be done about the modern Catholic Church, which has been described as "Institutionally Romaphobic"? The solution is surely to convoke a new Council, "Vatican III", with the object of discovering exactly how much was agreed by Vatican II, and how much was made up later by people who should have known better. It doesn't need to be a big Council - and please don't invite Basil Loftus along.

Romanes eunt domus

Romaphobic inscription on the walls of Westminster Cathedral.


  1. Breaking news this lunch time from our reporter at the Lateran Basilica in Rome.

    An affable man speaking Italian with a South American accent, wearing a false Pinocchio nose and a Copacabana beach hat, was caught by police dumping fiddleback chasubles and dalmatics in various liturgical colours into a green rubbish bin outside the basilica. Under escort he was made to return the items to the Lateran sacristy from where they had been taken. "It was all a misunderstanding," he said. "I just wanted to see if the bin was big enough. The rubbish collection day for these Old Mass items is not until August 11th."

  2. ”Romanes eunt domus”

    Is that like “Elvis has left the building”...?

    Of course the Elvis impersonators are still in the building, singing “Bishop house rock” and “Red suede shoes” while doing the hokey-pokey.

    1. Dis may help, bruvver GOR:

    2. And wasn't it terribly uninclusive of the Pythons to suppose that their audience would recognise bad Latin when they saw it?

  3. Our Vatican reporter Sandro Macchiato has a follow up to the Lateran vestments rubbish bin story. The new Inquisitor General to the Franciscan Friars of the Immaculate have told them they can have the key to the sacristy back temporarily, but only if they do a Copacabana bishop-dance on the high altar during this evening Mass.

    They have refused and are consulting their canon lawyers and a visitor from SSPX wearing a grey habit and a false beard in the Baptistry.

  4. Yes Frank certainly upstaged Dessie on the gay headline. Who is he to judge? Let's face it, who is he, anyway" Does he want all the Roma to go home where they belong?

  5. Don't tell me that deelyboppers are back! I just threw my last pair out of the loft, along with my Soda-Stream,and my Cecil Parkinson Private Eye.

  6. Oh sorry! is Frank pope? Isn't it M. Eritus Benedict? Has Frankie been to Hollywood? The gays will love him there.