This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Pope stuck in traffic jam

As World Youth Day 2013 gets under way in Rio, the main news item that has emerged so far is that Pope Francis is there, and has got stuck in a traffic jam.

narrow is the way

Strait is the gate, and narrow is the way. Matthew 7:14.

One of the explanations for this problem is that the Pope omitted to bring his Swiss Guards with him - the Swiss Guard Army Knife has a device for extracting Popes from traffic jams. Another relevant fact is that the Pope was alleged to be a victim of "road rage" after cutting up a Nissan Toynbee driven by Richard Dawkins, who was en route to a rival event known as "World Oldie Day".

World Oldie Day

Pious atheists listen in rapt attention to a speech from Richard Dawkins at WOD.

After the "road rage" incident, the Holy Father continued his journey by bus; Richard Dawkins wished to match him on this, but was told "There's probably no bus - now stop worrying and enjoy your life."

Pope on bus

Luckily I brought my bus pass with me!

Meanwhile, a scandal is brewing in Rome after a bank-clerk, Mgr Battista Ricca, was allegedly stuck in a lift. Resignations are expected, mainly amongst the engineers who service the Vatican lifts. There are also rumours of a sex scandal here, and the unfortunately-named Cardinal Sodano will no doubt wish to reassure himself that there is no truth in it.

lift - or elevator

There's something not quite right about this elevator.

Meanwhile hysterical Vatican-watchers are hurriedly copying-and-pasting messages from unnamed priests into their blogs. So we can tell that the situation is serious.


  1. To quote from an unnamed priest is pretty feeble, in my opinion. Surely we would be more impressed with a quote from an unnamed Otis mechanic.

  2. "the Swiss Guard Army Knife has a device for extracting Popes from traffic jams." Check out Fr Z's influence in Rome, modern clerical accoutrements have no such a thing:
    Photo refuses to cut and pàste, follow link.

  3. Getting stuck in a traffic jam is most frustrating for Royalty.

    Despite what Jack Lewis wrote - the real story of how Charn came to be destroyed is this. I was steaming up the main street in my six slave-power litter, scattering sedan chairs and donkey carts in my wake, when my sister pulled out without warning from a side road - causing me to spill my foaming turkish delight all over my best robes. I accidentally used the Deplorable Word, and the rest (and Charn) is history.

  4. I’m sure Pope Francis didn’t pick the route (apparently neither did the security people. Was the driver Italian?).

    If he had, they would have “gone to the peripheries” instead.

    Though even there a traffic jam could have ensued – but of the two and four-footed variety…