This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 18 July 2013

The Gay Murder Debate

From the blog of Father Z, author of "I'm a St Mark's Man" and "Cannon Law Made Simple".


Say the black, do the red, and eat the orange.

Should homosexuals be allowed to commit murders, when such conduct is forbidden to heterosexuals? Sometimes their crimes don't get any publicity, do they? Try Googling "Jack the Ripper", a notorious heterosexual murderer, and you´ll find there are millions of hits. But try Googling "Htarfogh Jukjlpop", a "gay" murderer from Latvia, and you'll find hardly any mention of his crimes!

At the end of Mass last Sunday, I heard two of the congregation - probably homosexual - talking. "Fancy a takeaway?" said one. "I could murder a Chinese or an Indian," said the other. "Or how about something Italian? A pastor maybe?" [This bit goes in black bold square brackets because it's where I needed a lie down.] Everyone talks about Custer's last stand against the Native American Indians, but do they mention gay Catholics attacking pastors? [Now would be a good time to scratch your ear if you feel like it - remember, say the black and do the red!]


General Custer - persecuted for not being "gay".

Remember St Paul's letter to the Roman Catholics? "It has come to my attention that some of my brethren have been indulging in unnatural sexual practices and sometimes murder. Be sure that the Lord doth not approve. By the way I am sending you a parcel of Mystic Monk coffee, as an aid to digestion and virtue."

From the blog of Damian Thompson, once described as a "custard-crazed ferret".

King of Custard

Damian Thompson.

Father Z's blog shows the most disgusting nasty vile disgraceful homophobia that I have seen since Brother Eccles mocked the late Soho Masses on his own blog. May I point out that on the Telegraph blogs we have 200 gay bloggers, and I do not know of any who are murderers! Also, I think you'll find that it was General Custard, and not Custer, who was such an enemy of the Indians.

A close personal contact in Rome, Signora Odone, who cleans the papal washrooms, has kept her ear to the ground, and she assures me that Catholic teaching on the rights of homosexuals to commit murder is sure to evolve.

Father Z's ranting reminds me of the worst excesses of Adolf Hitler. Which is a cue for an amusing story: when Hitler heard of the defeat at Stalingrad, he went mad and started biting the carpet. But, his staff told us, "He always made sure that he had plenty of custard on it!"

A deacon writes.

Eccles is getting at me again, I see, from the references to Hitler, above. Call me the Deacon from Hell, mock me all you want, but spare my family, and above all spare my pet goldfish, Adolf.


Adolf, a goldfish in good standing.

After a campaign of stalking and harassment some brilliant detective work, I am finally ready to reveal the true identity of Eccles! It is a town somewhere to the south-west of Manchester. And he thought he could keep this a secret!


  1. So, Eccles is really Wayne Rooney according to the evidence you present. No wonder he wants to quit Manchester and go to London.

  2. To accuse gays of murder is sheer homophobia and punishable by fine or imprisonment or both or the "other". They are nice people and do no wrong.... ever.

  3. Ah, but Mr Deacon, surely you are aware that Eccles is one of the world's leading exponents of sockpuppetry? I can disclose that among his many disguises are:
    Eccles, Berwickshire
    Eccles, Kent
    Eccles, Norfolk

    An international man of mystery, he also exists as:
    Eccles, Nord (France)
    Eccles, West Virginia

    while this is a dead giveaway of the extent to which he has infiltrated some of the most powerful institutions of the Western world:
    Eccles Building (US Federal Reserve), Washington DC

    1. Dear Monsieur,

      You seem to be forgetting les Eccles des Beaux. Arts. (Spelt ecoles in French). Or as Oliver Hardy said to Stan Laurel, "That's another fine art you got me into."

      Disgusted d'art of Tunbridge Wells and Bar

  4. Having read Z's blog post I can see why D.T might have been annoyed, for it screams anti-homosexual from start to finish. Perhaps Z's comments and the glowing reaction of certain traditionalist types to it reveals as much about the sexuality of these people as it does about Mr Thompson.
    Forgive my lack of humour, but it usually gets me into trouble.

    1. ..your lack of humour doesn't so much get you into trouble as make you look like a smug self-satisfied git, with a bee in your bonnet about any Catholic who doesn't believe 1963 was Year Zero. It's your lack of logic that gets you into trouble.

      By your reasoning anyone who objects in the slightest to any facet of sodomitical behaviour is now to be classified as a sodomite.

    2. Dear madam,

      I do not have a sense of humour either but it has never made me seem like a smug self-satisfied git, as anyone can see.

      Smug self-satisfied git of Croydon.
      (Screen capped.)

  5. An apple, a pear, a plum, a cherry
    Any good thing to make us all merry . . .

    1. None for Peter
      None for Paul
      For Elton and Stephen demanded it all

  6. With a nod to MP...., What's all this,then?

  7. I'm at a loss for wrods...

    Yeah I know, hard to credit, right?