This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday 22 May 2018

"Go to a gay orgy!" says Pope Francis

In a surprise change to 2000 years of Church teaching, Pope Francis has declared that homosexuality is great, it's what God really prefers, and all gay people should get down to some serious bridge-buildingTM as soon as possible.

Admittedly, the comment was made in a private meeting with a homosexual man, the Chilean Juan Carlos Cruz, who may have made the whole thing up, rather than - as is usual for changes to Catholic doctrine - in an aeroplane speech. But Fr James Martin SJ, himself a notorious bridge-builder, has said that it's all true, so who are we to judge?

Juan Carlos Cruz

The new prophet Juan Carlos.

Apparently, Pope Francis explained that God is really fed up with heterosexuals, as they contribute to climate change by having babies. As Jesus said, "I suffer from little children who come unto me." Instead, the Holy Father encouraged Mr Cruz to take part in some serious gay orgies, suggesting that Cardinal Coccopalmerio might be able to give him more information.

Vatican creche

A gay orgy at the Vatican.

Rigid traditional parrot-faced Pharisee Catholics were today somewhat disconcerted by the Pope's latest teaching, which contradicts several books of the Bible, the Catechism, and numerous statements by Doctors of the Church, Popes, and other theologians over the centuries. But of course Pope Francis knows best.

9 comments:

  1. How about those of us who are born rigid?

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    1. Contact the Vatican's Lavender Hill mob - they will soon queer your pitch.

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  2. Did Juan Carlos Cruz suffer from same-sex attraction prior to being sexually abused by a priest/s?

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  3. To get in line with this new cathoilc teaching the main protagonists in that recent "royal wedding" will have to decide on who gets the sex-change operation.

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  4. I think that the Catholic thing to do is to smile wanly, replace the ear plugs and reach for another biscuit and our knitting, just like the bishops seem to do. Heresy does, after all, sound very much like hearsay so we can always choose to call it one or the other (conscience sorted).

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  5. What are the false shepherds, the heretics and the blasphemers going to do when the Sole Living Oracle of the God of Surprises finally hangs up his microphone? I worry for them. I really do.

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    1. Another will simply replace him. He has stacked the College of Cardinals, along with those elevated by his Modernist heretic predecessor's "JPII" and "Benedict XVI" (i.e., Judases) so that it is a guarantee that his/their work for Satan will be carried on.

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  6. Was just directed to this site through https://abyssum.org/ (which I just found yesterday.
    I've been doing my best for five years now twisting my head into a knot tryng be charitable towards old Jorge; but it's getting hard to know what he even believes.
    It truly is dark days when so called "conspiracy theories" make more sense than a Pope's public statements.

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