This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday 22 April 2013

Piero Marini rejoices

No person in the world could be more delighted at the election of Pope Francis than Archbishop Piero Marini, the president of the Pontifical Committee for International Eucharistic Congresses.

Custard pie and Pope

Archbishop Marini attempts to administer a custard pie to Pope Benedict.

"How I hate Pope Benedict," he said. "I had been having a great time as master of ceremonies for John-Paul II. It's an easy job - I just had to open a few bottles whenever there was a papal party, and propose the occasional toast. But then Benedict gave me a serious job, where I had to do lots of paperwork and answer letters."

holy smoke

"What's more John-Paul baked me birthday cakes. Benedict always burnt them."

Continued Marini: "Oh, how I suffered under Pope Benedict. We had been breathing the waters of a swamp, and it had a bad smell. We'd been in a church afraid of everything, with problems such as Vatileaks and the paedophilia scandals. Why, I was almost tempted to do something about it. Ugh, and the Pope used Twitter too."

fresh air fiend

Letting the bad smells out of the Sistine Chapel.

"Now that Pope Francis is here," he continued, "we can expect a total rewriting of Christian doctrine. If he follows my advice he will make the Catholic church entirely secular. Catholic same-sex marriages can't be far away - I read that in the Tablet, so it must be true."

Note: Piero Marini is not to be confused with Guido Marini, seen below (left).

French flag

Guido, you stand in the middle, then our colour scheme will give the French flag.

8 comments:

  1. It's scandalous that The Vatican can't afford a decent plumber when there are serious leaks everywhere. As for the cycling obsession pedalphilia is certainly green.

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  2. Obviously the custard pie photograph has been printed in reverse. The rubrics clearly state that a custard pie should always be administered with the RIGHT hand in a liturgical context.

    Surely, Eccles - as a prominent Catholic blogger and liturgist - you must know this? The accuracy of your reporting is becoming quite sloppy.

    Yours etc.,
    Discustard of Benidorm

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well spotted, rabit. I expect dat anuvver custard-expert was just about to point dis out.

      Delete
    2. Rabit,

      You forget that Marini senior is strictly "Spirit of VII" therefore adherence to rubrics are secondary; if at all. It is obvious he belongs to the "never let the right hand know what the left hand does" camp.

      Delete
  3. Is there many Martinis in de Chruch, darling eccles? Xx Jess

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    Replies
    1. Don’t know about the church Jessica, but here in the US dey is legion – best known being Dean Martini, known for hoisting a few martinis in his time - which may have accelerated his demise…

      As for me, I prefer Manhattans…

      Delete
  4. Jess, "Catholic" means anytime, anyplace, anywhere.

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  5. Ex rapper MC Marini is shown teaching Pope Benedict "custardy of the eyes"

    ReplyDelete