This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 25 December 2014

Calling all women!

Hello, girls! I'm from the Pontifical Council For Culture, where we've produced a really great video designed especially for you.*

*Update: the video has been removed now. Still, here are the highlights.

Difference and Equality

Feminism at its most profound.

I'm sure you have asked yourself many questions, as a woman. Who am I? Where am I going? How do I get there? Where's my purse? Did I remember to lock the door? How long is he going to hide in the garden shed, when there's a lightbulb to change? Why did I buy spinach for dinner, when I hate spinach? Why do washing machines always make exactly one sock disappear?

These are deep spiritual questions, the sort that a woman has to ask herself, if she is to be truly who she is. Or who she isn't, even. It's all a question of girl power, and showing the Catholic Church that women are real men. Or women. Whatever.

Spice girls

Tell the cardinals and bishops what you really really really really want!

You can make a difference. Just take a selfie of yourself (or a one-minute video), and send it to Who knows? It could be chosen as one of the ones we show to the cardinals and bishops at an amazingly exciting meeting in Rome in February 2015, to explain to them what women are really like! Yes, you too can change the direction of the Catholic Church. Or at least, you may end up cooking spinach for the Pope!

Wonder Woman

A typical "selfie" of a woman in her daily life.

Well, that's all I've got to say to you, girls. We all have problems that men just don't understand. Mine are a complete lack of personality, an IQ only slightly higher than that of a turnip, and a relentless desire to irritate people. And I'm sure you're the same. So, if you're having trouble operating your camera, do ask a man to help.

Patronizing and Dumbed Down

Oh, and do it by January 6th. After all, you're not very busy, are you?


  1. I'm going to try really, really, really, really, really hard to make a video or just a photo of me being an exciting modern woman. I lack in a couple of areas: I'm not blonde, nor am I Italian. And worse, my hair will NOT curl like our example lady. Now I think of these hurdles, I'm just going to give up, maybe eat some Christmas goodies, and think about the grave injustice of white male supremacy. And really, just like thinking good thoughts can help, I like to think my negative thoughts help in some small way with the cause of whatever this is supposed to be.

  2. Eccles, your comment "an IQ slightly higher than a turnip" is grossly insulting to turnips. I have a carrot in my fridge with more intelligence than this.

  3. If you wanna be my Pontiff
    You gotta get rid of your friends
    Interviews are easy
    But trouble never ends

    If you wanna be my Pontiff
    You have got to try
    Making sense in public
    Every, every time ...

  4. Eccles I am a potato which is smarter than a turnip or carrot I have been told I have beautiful eyes and I have always thought I had an inner urge to be ordained. Why ordain a man ? Why a woman? (Which is like ordaining a potato! ) Ordain a real potato!

  5. That LCWR group photo is a bit out of date, isn't it?

    1. Oh! I thought it was the Tablet editorial group.

  6. Well, the English version has been removed. Luckily, a rood and norty person has done translation for the Italian version:

  7. The original travesty can still be viewed here

  8. Quick, team this gal up with Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse. Ooh, the possibilities...