This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday 10 December 2014

The Top 100 UK Christians

Many will be aware that the Cranmer blog conducted an online poll to find the Top 100 UK Christians. The results will apparently be announced at the New Year, but here are a few tips from me.

Apparently, Cranmer has already weeded out a few popular choices such as the Dalai Lama, Adolf Hitler, and Mohammed, who are either not British, or not Christian, or not alive: sometimes all three. Eccles has also been weeded out, so as to give everyone else a chance.

Vin the Hindu

Sometimes a Christian is hard to recognise.

On the Catholic side, the "Bishop of the Year" title was won convincingly by Kieran Conry, greatly admired in Arundel and Brighton; however, for most of the year we had been confidently expecting Bishop Campbell of Lancaster to win the prize for his acts of kindness and charity, including the suppression of the Protect the Pope blog. I'm sorry, he says he did not suppress it. It must have suppressed itself. And anyway, it's only a temporary 40-year sojourn in the wilderness for Deacon Donnelly. Note that Bishop Campbell is also very good at answering e-mails.

Campbell digging

It's a bishop's job to know where the bodies are buried.

There is also the Stephen Fry award for being ubiquitous for no apparent reason. Planning a binge to celebrate your diocese's 50 years? Organizing the largest Catholic Youth event EVER in the UK? Why, you need to invite Fr Timothy Radcliffe OP! A simple member of the Dominican community, founded to preach the Gospel and to combat heresy. Just don't mention his controversial views on homosexuality or communion for divorcees! It surely can't be long before the "man in white" becomes a bishop - they're looking for someone at Arundel and Brighton, and the bar is rather low there. Or perhaps Fr Timothy will just get his own TV show.

Kasper and Radcliffe

Sharing some new doctrine with Cardinal Kasper.

I am not so up-to-date with Anglican politics, let alone Methodist, Baptist, and the rest. Presumably on that side Giles Fraser (also a man of startling ubiquity) will be a front-runner, and possibly a bishop or two will also be highly commended. How about Richard Harries, who wants to see the Koran read at the next Coronation? He could appear in the Top 100 UK Muslims list as well.

Indeed, now that it's been decided that Christ got it wrong, and it is OK to ordain women, even to the level of bishops, there is one obvious front-runner. And here she is:

girl bishop

Rebecca Howarth (11), the first female bishop.

Or they could just be boring and give the prize to Queen Elizabeth II.

Continued here.


  1. As a 5000 year old Queen-Empress I am outraged about the classification of my sister-monarch as boring. Of course, in reality, you are merely classifying those within the overlapping circles of QE2 fans and loyal subjects of Cranmer. Even so, I reserve the right to quote you wildly out of context, and to throw a spittle-flecked nutty on my return from my nightly sojourn at the "Three Tuns". In fact, I believe I shall join the growing number of Fr Arfur's congregation who are fed up of your toxic traddie toadying, and will shun you during the Kiss of Peace at the next ecumenical interfaith Strictly-Come-Tango-ing service at St Daryl the Apostate.

  2. I would like to nominate a dear Christian lady, one of those great unsung heroes of the Catholic faith, who goes out of her home every morning and climbs over a garden fence to take a bowl of hot porridge to one of God's own holy fools living beyond the reach of care in the community, in a shed. Sometimes she finds him wild-eyed after a night of internet stalking, claiming to have finally identified his traddy foe as a Carthusian trolley porter in Parkminster; and at other times he is tearfully apologising to the five readers of his blog, exhorting them to send him their email addresses so he can apologise more legally. This dear lady puts up with this every day, simply because she is his wife.

  3. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaaaa!

  4. Christies is a very great Christian in the UK. Linford Christie is a good one too and so is Julie Christie. Other great ones are Gwendoline, Chris and Agatha Christie.