This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Dawkins arrests BBC Director-General

The Prisoner

George Entwistle, now in custody at Dawkins Abbey.

It has just been announced that Richard Dawkins, the famous zoologist, theologian and guardian of Britain's morals, has succeeded in arresting George Entwistle, the Director-General of the BBC. Said Professor Dawkins: "I was unsuccessful in my attempt to arrest Pope Benedict XVI two years ago, because he was too well guarded, but I have managed to apprehend George Entwistle, and this has stimulated a hormonal rush inside my organism - in layman's terms it may be described as saying that I am over the Moon."


The Director-General's Soapmobile, as seen in one of the BBC's long-running soaps.

Mr Entwistle was apparently captured when he made a rare public appearance without the protection of his "Soapmobile." Professor Dawkins went on to explain that he was automatically assumed to take full responsibility for the Jimmy Savile affair, whether or not the allegations were substantiated, and whether or not he was in charge at the time. "The BBC is Institutionally Rapist," explained the learned professor, "and the man at the top must take responsibility. It is disgraceful that an institution such as the British Broadcasting Church, which provides moral guidance to the public, should be engaged in a massive cover-up."

George Entwistle is now locked up in Dawkins Abbey, where he is being tormented by endless readings from The God Delusion. It is believed that Amnesty International regards this as a cruel and unusual punishment, and will campaign for Entwistle's early release.

Top of the Popes

Jimmy Savile, a C*th*l*c, on "Top of the Popes."

Eric Hobgoblin - a nation mourns

Eric Hobgoblin

Eric Honecker Hobgoblin.

In other news, the nation is grief-stricken to hear of the death of Professor Eric Hobgoblin, the brilliant Marxist historian, whose defence of communism was so compelling that he became a Companion of Honour. He is now best remembered for his monumental books, which include:

The Gulag, which explains how Stalin's Holiday Camps attracted many visitors and influenced Sir Billy Butlin;

The knock on the door at 4 a.m., telling how the Russian police were the finest in the world, and could be relied upon 24/7; and

Famine - is it all bad? - a discussion of Stalin's pioneering agricultural techniques.

Yalta conference

Have you read Hobgoblin's latest, Comrade Roosevelt?


  1. I find the whole Dawkins business very fishy indeed, as a respectably married witch in good standing. The third Mrs Dawkins would do well to check that her husband has not been out purchasing new y-fronts, and should be suspicious if she finds a second mobile phone set to vibrate in Dickie's trouser pocket. After all, there is a new Dr Who companion, Clara Oswin, currently imprisoned in a Dalek, and it could be that Dawkins' obsessive interest in the contents of the so called soap mobile had a more sinister purpose.

    As for Hobspawn, it worries me a little that he appears to bear a strong resemblance to the late Denis Thatcher. Could the government of the 1980s have been infiltrated at the highest level?

  2. But the point is, was Saint Jimmy Servile an EMPLOYEE of the BBC ?????

  3. A BBC documentary about Benjamin Britten's predilection for the company of underage boys was hilarious in its cover-up. Benjy is an untouchable by dint of his music and homosexuality so Auntie would get away with this if they emphasised that JS was a Catholic and this is what Catholics do. By "Auntie" I mean the BBC and not Mrs. Bogle of course.

  4. I would like to go public now that Hobbesbum is dead and reveal here for the first time the abuse I experienced as a young and naive compositor on the communist Morning Star newspaper in the 1970s, a time when such Stalinist abuse in Britain was commonplace and ignored by the authorities.

    One day while arranging the small ads column for the Morning Star, I was summoned to the office of the Editor, George Matthews, and told that a very important communist academic hero wished to give me an award for my dedication to quality compositing in hot metal (albeit for the offset litho system, so it was just NATSOPA wasting everyone´s time and money, and no hot metal was really needed.)

    In Matthews´sordid office overlooking Farringdon Road, there was Hobbesbum, with a big cigar sticking out of his mouth, drooling as I entered, while an IRA bomb went off somewhere in the near distance, demolishing the highest court in the land. He looked at his watch and nodded.

    "Come in comrade, and close the door," he said.

    And the rest is the history of the working class being screwed by the misguided intelligentsia.

  5. darling eccles - dat Hobbesbum, he was a Leviathan in his time xx Jess