MMMWHAHAHA! It's the Richard Dawkins horror mask!
You've seen Damian Thompson, you've seen Cristina Odone. But now, scarier than either, is the perfect accessory for Hallowe'en.
Cause real terror in your neighbourhood this Hallowe'en as you jump out at your neighbours and scream the dreadful words "GOD PROBABLY DOES NOT EXIST!!!" Watch them run for cover, as they think you are about to plug one of Dawkins's dreadful books!
Walk into a Catholic cathedral, and see the bishop hastily turn to the exorcism rite! Watch priests go into hiding, fearful that you may try and arrest them!
Warning: we recommend that you do not inflict Dawkins on children under the age of 45, elderly people with weak hearts, or the Pope.
New Tablet Computer on sale
The perfect device for those who hate Catholicism but wish to make telephone calls and surf the web! It comes with a built-in PepinsterTM chip that protects your children from all orthodox religious websites.
In each model there is installed a copy of the Tablet Bible, "Professor" Tina Beattie's monumental tome, The Mass - an occasion for dirty thoughts.
Of course you can also watch videos on your Tablet, and here is one we particularly recommend.
A scene from the Wizard of Oz. The Wicked Witch reads out an evil incantation.
Men! Do second-rate journalists mock your hair? Come to Damiano's, the renowned hairdresser's and beauty parlour.
Damiano is waiting to give you a truly Catholic hairstyle.
Relax to the soothing sounds of Gladys Mills playing Bach's monumental The bad-tempered ferret, while Damiano (Il Barbiere di Notting Hill) gives you a haircut that nobody will dare to mock.
For the middle-aged client with too much hair, the "Boris" is now out of fashion, and Damiano recommends:
The "Michael" Fabrication, a Damiano speciality.
While, for the older balding man looking for love, the "Andrew Neil" look is no longer recommended, and Damiano now suggests:
The "Silvio," as sprayed on by Damiano himself.
Advice on keeping your weight down is also available, while, for the ladies, Signora Cristina will soon be opening a special department dealing with beauty problems.